Look Up
First off, sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. We have been doing so much that I would have had stories enough to blog every day!
After coming from Ghana, I will admit, Nepal was not at all what I wanted. Ghana was good because we lived in a small community and by the end of the month we knew almost all the faces around us. That felt like home. I grew up in small community, that is all I have ever known.
Nepal is the complete opposite. When we got here for our first week of debrief, I was completely overwhelmed by everything. It was so crowded, so many colors, so loud. We were right smack-dab in the middle of the touristy area. I kind of hated it. Crossing the street seemed like a life-threatening task.
When I get overwhelmed, I focus on what I need to do to survive. Survival mode means tunnel vision. Meal times means I have to go out to hunt down food. A risky venture which might include multiple street crossings, interacting with strangers who may or may not speak my language, and the possibility of failure to come up with edible food.
Like the time I found a restaurant which had a cheeseburger on the menu. After 3 months of foreign food, I was so excited for AMERICAN food! I had seen chicken burgers on other menus, or vegetarian burgers, but this menu had both of those plus cheeseburger. So I knew it HAD to be real! I ordered it, and sat drooling, waiting for a tiny piece of home to arrive at my table. Finally, the waiter arrived and set the plate before me proudly announcing to all within earshot, “Cheeseburger!” Excitement turned to horror as I lifted the bun… the thing on my plate was certainly not meat. It also had nothing resembling cheese on it.
With all the chaos of this new place, I just wanted to stay in my room and hide away from everything until I was required to come out for food, or debrief sessions. And during those required ventures, I was in the mindset of get in, get out, quick as you can! Every time I left the hotel we were staying at, I focused on just the street, make sure I don’t step in cow poop, or puddles of blood from the sacrifices in the shrines on every other street corner. Watch out for motos who don’t stop for pedestrians crossing the street. Fear and stress led me to imagining the worst of everyone on the street. Crowds of people became possible pickpockets.
My eyes were focused down on all the chaos and fear. I was overwhelmed and stressed out. It was only the beginning of the month, but already I wanted to start counting down the days until we left this frightening country. The only thought worse was that next month I am going to India… and I am certain it will be more of the same! Why God, did you decide to take one of our African countries away and make it 5 months of Asia?! Couldn’t you at least let me have one more month in Africa?
But after a few weeks here I started to relax a bit. I was getting used to the crowds. I was figuring out to wait for the locals to cross the road and go with them. I was finding food that was edible and on most menus. It was starting to be ok. I think I can make it through 5 months in Asia.
Then God told me to look up.
I went up onto the roof and looked out. I could see the crowds scurrying below me. I could see tall buildings decorated for the local festival. I could see kids flying kites from the roofs around me.
God again spoke and said to look up.
I looked up and saw the mountains. Oh, they were beautiful! It was foggy, so I could only see the silhouette, but they were beautiful!
God reminded me of Psalm 121.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?2 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand;6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
I was so focused on myself, on finding my own way in this place, that I forgot to look up to God. I forgot that He has promised to keep me. He watches over me and keeps me safe.
And every now and then while I am here in Nepal, I still catch myself focused on the broken sidewalk in front of me, and I forget to look up. I am so focused on not tripping and falling, that I forget to see what is right in front of me, what is all around me.
I am so glad I got to come here to Nepal. God is teaching me to trust Him more.
