Things change, plans fail
You look for love on a grander scale
Storms rise, hopes fade
And you place your bets on another day
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When you're just not sure enough
Jesus will still be there
His love will never change
Sure as the steady rain
Jesus will still be there
When no one else is true
He'll still be loving you
When it looks like you've lost it all
And you haven't got a prayer
Jesus will still be there
As I was praying about writing this blog, these lyrics from Point of Grace's "Jesus Will Still Be There" song popped into my head. I know this was the Lord because I haven't thought of or sung this song in years. This week has been tough. When I first thought about the race I knew I wanted July Route 3 – S Squad; but as things got more real and they released the January 2014 Routes, I saw a route devoted to all Latin Countries and I thought… maybe that's the route I should take. See I chose Route 3 because of the Latin Countries. I prayed and God confirmed in my spirit July Route 3 S Squad. Going into training I had those thoughts. I met my Squad and met my team, Team MannaFest (side note they are amazing and you can read their super awesome blogs by clicking on their names over there <——————<——————- For real read their blogs! They're AMAZING!) I knew I was right where I was supposed to be without a doubt.
Then I came home, life got busy, work got hard, and my time here in Austin dwindles… The last two weeks have been hard. Crazy hard, overwhelmingly hard, the kind of hard that makes you really wonder what you're doing. Last week work was being wrapped up and like every year it was harder than last and there was more paperwork and I just wanted to be done. It made me a little glad I wouldn't be back for another year of tedious paperwork (Don't get me wrong I love teaching but the paperwork sucks!). Anyway, I started to think about everything I had to get done and how that meant money and time. I started to panic. Some of you know, some of you don't but I've had panic attacks off and on for years. For a while, they were really bad. They're better now and I haven't had a full blown one in a while. (Although at camp I had a close call, sleeping at the back of a tarp with limited movement and 60 other people will do that to you.) Last weekend, I came close again.
This week, I moved the last of my furniture out of my now very messy but empty room. That was expensive, moving trucks are expensive. I was down to $30 in my personal account and knew I had to make it till today (payday) and I had the financial deadline weighing me down. I needed $700 more in my account by Wednesday. I prayed, I had been praying, I had been stuck there for 2 weeks. I was worried. I thought things were changing. I thought my plans were failing. I started thinking about placing my bets on another day, Route 1 January 2014 sounded good. The ride was getting rough, the road tough. I was broke, I couldn't help myself. I mentioned this in my last blog, I don't like depending on others and I knew if I was going to go in 2 weeks it was going to have to be all God because if couldn't be me.
Monday night, I received and e-mail asking how much I needed and I let them know. They said their plan was to cover half. Tuesday I looked in my account and It had gone up to $6,056. The $350 added put me a $100 away. Thirty minutes after looking at my account a friend of mine called and she asked me what I needed. I told her $100. She said, that was exactly the amount her and her husband were feeling led to give. Now that puts me at $6,500. But here's where the story gets really good. It takes a couple of days for all this to process. I knew it wouldn't be in my account so I called my mobilizer and she said it was fine. We knew it was coming in, so I was good to go. Wednesday comes and my account hasn't budged but I knew I would be okay. Now listen, this is where GOD moves! Yesterday I opened my account and I was at $9,706. That is $4,000 MORE than I had on Monday. All last week, and all this week (even when I knew I was in the clear I was SCARED). I had told my Jesus what I needed $700. That felt like a big number. But I went boldly to the Throne and told my Daddy how much I needed and He did so much more. Jesus is still here. He was here these past two weeks, even when I felt alone, even when I felt I had no prayer of a chance. He was still here.
I talked about this last night with some of my South Austin Small Group ladies, and we talked about going boldly to the Throne. We talked about when it feels like there is no one, when if feels like even Jesus isn't there. But then there are moments like this when He shows up and He shows up BIG! I love my South Girls because we get real and deep fast. Our Heavenly Daddy, loves us. He loves to show up big. He wants us to pray big prayers. He wants you to know that even when it feels tough, and rough. He is still here. He will still be there.
