If you haven’t read Part 1 you’ll want to do that before reading this.
I started crying. I had made a choice that brought me closer to the Father. I chose to trust Him more than something that was a part of my body. I was freaking out! Everyone rushed around me crying and giving praise to God. Some were astounded by what they saw. Others thought I was healed. After a few minutes, I said, “I’m not physically healed yet, but I’ve gained spiritual healing!” The prayers for physical healing continued for what felt like hours.
I believed I would be healed in that moment. He is able and willing to heal (Matthew 4:23). Though my hearing had not changed, all I wanted was to worship and praise God for what He had already done (John 4:23-24). I needed to have an attitude of thankfulness, not disappointment (Philippians 4:4-7).
As time went by, fears and doubts began to trickle in. Some asked what fears were holding me back. While another questioned if I felt worthy of being healed; if I believed God could heal me. “Yes, I believe.” Matthew 17:20 says, “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” I had that much faith! However, I reflected on the fears and insecurities I had. Did I have to be perfectly sorted out for me to be physically healed? How many imperfect people did God heal in the Bible?
I evaluated my biggest fears: my hearing aid being broken and judgments cast on me from loved ones because of it. I was told I needed to release these fears in order to be healed. Sometimes that release is necessary, but in my case, it wasn’t. My actions showed more trust in God than in my fears,
Through the myriad of thoughts, I continued to worship. I heard God’s truths and spoke them out loud. “I am beautiful. I am a daughter of God, the Most High King. I am precious. I am worthy. I am royalty (Romans 8:16-17). I am a priestess. I have power in the Holy Spirit, the same power as Jesus (Acts 1:8)! I will do even greater things than him (John 14:12).” I became convicted of the power and value I possess. With that, I rebuked the lies, fears, and insecurities seeping in from the enemy.
The peace of the Holy Spirit spread over me. I thought, “There are three possibilities: the Lord will heal me tonight, I will begin a new life without healing, or the Lord will allow my hearing aid to work.” I put these thoughts into perspective in regards to making disciples. I realized I could be best used to disciple deaf, unreached people. I may be more effective without hearing! Perhaps I wasn’t healed because God intended to use me in this way.
Soon after, a stranger named Jason prophesied over me. He wrote this:
“I saw a picture of a mighty woman walking in a valley, picking up dead bodies and throwing them on her shoulders. You were the mighty woman carrying these dead bodies, saying, ‘Come with us.’ With a smile on your face like Jesus, you know they are just sleeping. Because they can’t hear, they think they don’t have a voice and no one knows they are there, so they are just lying down to die. All the bodies were those who have hearing loss. God needs you to bear this physical problem to carry them to freedom. You will one day have your hearing back. The Lord just says, ‘Hold on until MY perfect time.’ WHEN you are healed, you will still know His voice so clearly.”
The day before, I heard this prophecy, “God is tuning your spiritual ears to hear Him.” My spiritual ears are being tuned by relying on Him instead of my hearing. In order to hear Him, we must be still. We must block out other sounds, so that we can hear His voice. There was a reason for everything that night! He brought me to another level of trust and showed me my purpose!
I found my hearing aid on the floor, disheveled, but working! It is a gift from Him, but He is the best gift.
Two of my squadmates heard the word “declaration” for me that night. It was a declaration of my faith and God’s truthfulness. I declare that He is worth everything! He is worth following each day, even when it seems illogical.
If you really trust in the Holy Spirit, you possess His power. Imagine the impact you can have if you believe in the power of God!
