Like A Fish Out Of Water
I was standing on the side of the highway waiting in the sweltering heat, trying to catch a tuk tuk that could take me into downtown Siem Reap to find some much needed relaxation and cooling off by a pool, when all of a sudden, I spotted it. In the middle of the busy highway was a fish flopping back and forth on the pavement. This unfortunate fish had flopped out of someones moped basket on the way to go home and become dinner. I don’t blame it for jumping out, I would have tried to escape too! I looked both ways to make sure traffic was clear, and then I ran out and scooped up the poor fish. I turned around, looking at the fish in my hand, and thought to myself ‘Poor fish! There is no water in sight, and I want to help you, but I have nowhere to put you in water and give you a second chance.’ When I looked up, I saw that a lady had pulled over to the side of the road, and she was smiling at me. She had seen me try to rescue the fish, but in her mind, she saw an opportunity for some free dinner. I asked her if she wanted the fish, she smiled and opened up a grocery sack in her basket. I looked at the poor fish, put it in the bag, and sadly walked off….only in Cambodia…
You see, that fish and I had a lot in common. I too am a struggling fish out of water. My time in Cambodia thus far has been extremely challenging and every day has brought a new struggle. Going into this month, I had a feeling it was going to be a struggle for me to get through, but I didn’t know why. Right now I’m experiencing heat, humidity, fatigue, exhaustion, sickness, and mental battles all at once like I’ve never experienced before. The conditions here have made it very easy for me to wish I was back home with my family, comfortable, and receiving the medical care I’m used to. Every day I’m having to make the choice to put one foot in front of the other, and hold on to hope that this will all pass.
God is using my time in Cambodia to really stretch and grow me. Each situation that arises, leaves me no choice but to lean on Him more. The last couple of weeks we have had one of our squad leaders, Katie, with us. She shared with me words God gave her about me. She said: “Jesus showed me that you were a fish- beautiful, shimmering, vibrant in color (just like Rainbow Fish). He shows me kissy fish lips saying how much He loves you, how beautiful you are to Him, that you are enough AS IS. Because you shimmer, you give those scales away, just like Rainbow fish in a metaphorical way. He also gave me the word “fish out of water” as to how you have been feeling lately. Gasping for air, feeling a bit all over the place, not fitting in, like you keep hitting the ground hard as you flop to each side with trials you are facing. He reaches to where you are at. You feel the coolness of His touch and the simultaneous quenching of the thirst you have been seeking. He picks you up and you feel like you are back in the water when you are in His hands. You can breathe there. He is all you need, the true breath of air that your body needs and desires. Just trust Him and His embrace.”
I am constantly being reminded that God is here, and all He desires is for me to depend on Him, to trust Him, to find my peace in Him, and to have faith. I love that God gave Katie an image of a fish for me, and rainbow fish at that. My background is marine biology, one of my favorite childhood books is Rainbow Fish. God spoke to me through Katie in a way He knew I’d understand. I also find it interesting that 4 days after she told me her first image of the fish, I literally found a fish out of water on the highway and ‘rescued it’. The next day, I was sitting in the hospital and everything just started making sense to me about the lessons God was trying to teach me, and how I just need to hang on until I’m placed back in the water.
Even though I know God has me here for a reason, I still struggle daily mentally and physically, and have to fight through my tears to be here and not give in. If you could be praying for me to have the strength, courage, perseverance, and will to stay, I’d appreciate it. I’d also appreciate prayers for healing. Since we’ve been here, I’ve been dealing with major back/stomach cramps and spasms, and diarheea. I went to the hospital once for it, and there isn’t much that can be done other than trying to calm my muscles down with massage, stretching, and anti-inflammatories. This month we are teaching English in a village, and I’d love to be able to go out to the village and be present to teach and not dealing with sickness.
Thank you for taking time to read my blog and pray!
