I am currently enrolled in a sociology class for my nursing degree and its centered around marriage and family. We have to do these articles every week and this week’s topic was “intimacy”. Its very interesting to see how my classmates define “intimacy.”
-Here is my story…
Ps, thank you worldrace, for teaching me so much more than I ever thought you did!
—>I spent several months out of the country, on the other side of the world-while I was Justin’s fiancé.
That experience taught me a lot about our relationship, each other, the goals we had, how to communicate and even intimacy.
Now, before your mind goes to the gutter…
To me, being intimate with someone doesn’t have anything to do with sex. And, I learned this (and parallel this) from my relationship with Christ.
To me, being intimate is being so closely knitted together, that you are unrecognizable from the other, a supernatural camouflage. I love the verse from Mark 10:7-9, ”For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
I do a lot of sewing and to hear words like, “knitted” or “sewed together”, I cant help but think how much work it takes to unravel a tight stitch. To me, being intimate is merging into one solid unit. Considering what is best for the other before your own but having the confidence that my other half, is working just as hard to ensure my benefit.
Its more than just being in love. Its being so in love, that you would go to extremes for the other person. Sure, go ahead and insert the cliché, that you would die for them. (everybody says that, right?) But, back to realistic scenarios- to really go to the extremes for the other person means- giving up self-comforts. You would be willing to relocate and leave the life (family, friends, the familiar Walmart) you had- behind. It would mean putting your career on hold to enable them to begin theirs. It means willingly making yourself uncomfortable to ensure the best comfort available-for them. Its putting their needs, their wants above yours. Its making them a priority over yourself. Its letting them get the last piece of morning breakfast bacon.
That kind of love, or work, or even sacrifice as some would see it… isn’t punishment for having those flutters in your stomach the first time you saw them. Its not a heavy chain you reluctantly lug around for falling in love with that person. Its not some strict law or penalty for choosing them as your spouse.
In fact, its not even a consequence. And, to me, its not even work.
It’s the best and most natural feeling in the world.
You see, when you love someone so deeply, so purely …so true…. those “extremes” become pleasures and… a secret (often overlooked) blessing.
Because giving all of yourself to the benefit of one single, solitary person… without looking for returns, rewards or acknowledgement…brings unspoiled intimacy.
There is something so {{oddly}} satisfying about being totally selfless and vulnerable to someone else-for the sake of them. (not you.)
Here is the catch.
When that kind of unadulterated, selfless love there is a power there. There is a force that propels you to constantly give and give and give-without waiting for a handout in return. And, if its done right… that power circulates in a loop.
and here is where I make my point.
When that loop exists- it will bring about that unheard kind of intimacy.
To me, I define intimacy as the willingness to make the loop happen. You do not love because you are looking for someone to return the favor. You love because you cannot do anything else-EXCEPT to love them-full force, to the extremes. You are so full of love that you are spilling out of the top!
and, intimacy happens when they are doing the exact same thing- but, for your benefit and on your behalf.
This is the powerful truth I know to be behind my God. He goes to the extremes for me. He gives up his comforts for mine. He ensures painful selflessness for my behalf. He puts me first, before himself. And I say this in the heaviest heart….He dies for me.
The kind of love, intention and power behind Christ’s love for me is not to be taken lightheartedly.
And honestly, I know there has been days…
((who am I kidding-there has been months-YEARS))
when I know that God was for me, selflessly pursuing me, going to the extremes…
knowing for a fact I was not going to return the favor.
…or acknowledge him.
…or love him back.
…or continue the loop.
But, he did it anyway. With the same force, with the same overwhelming love and desire for me. Regardless how I would respond back to that love. He did it anyway.
and folks, that wraps up my spill on intimacy.
except.
that intimacy…. is a process.
It doesn’t happen overnight.
It doesn’t happen the first time you said “I love you”.
It doesn’t happen when you let your man pick Papa Johns over Pizza Hut.
It doesn’t happen the first time you have sex.
It doesn’t happen the thousandth time you have sex.
(just seeing if you were paying attention. If you haven’t gathered anything so far: I do not see intimacy as sex… its far greater and more powerful than that.)
It is a process. and, for me, I am learning how to be knitted together with my Savior. I am learning how to indistinguishable from the love of Christ.
And, because it’s a process… I’m learning this whole selfless love, complete adoration for my husband.
and together, we are learning this whole loop thing.
We are learning how to care for each other and how to truly love one another.
We are learning what it means to be united as one.
And, we are not perfect or have it all figured out or are pros at this.
We make mistakes, we hurt each other’s feelings, we get vanilla ice cream instead of chocolate.
But everyday- this process becomes less and less like work and punishment and more and more like –
It’s the best and most natural feeling in the world.
We are being intimate.
…that unheard kind of intimacy…
