It hit me when I asked her for a penny.
We all have collections…collections we have had for years, collections that are essentially priceless-either in true market value or sentimental value. Most of us collect a variety of things that we collect…from stamps to arrowheads to spoons to Faberge Eggs to old movie tickets to TOMS shoes.. We all have collections: things that reoccur.
….I feel… that I am an exception to this generalized idea. I don’t feel like I just collect one thing, I feel like I have a tendency to collect…well.. Everything. I don’t discriminate. I like it all.
Maybe not even a “hoarder” issue (…ummm. Denial?…ok.. I mean… I don’t have stuff piled up to the ceiling like the reality show)…but… I realize, I do collect…everything.
I don’t feel like I have one large and impression collection of one big or “common thing you’d expect to see in a collection”.. Like coins.. You know, the collection that you are proud of and have on display.. That you dust once every 3 years?
No.. I feel like I have hundreds of little collections of everyday, stupid things.
Earrings.
Shot glasses (….ummm. Although I don’t drink.. I just consider them tiny souvenirs from places I’ve been….that ironically, are used as compartmentalize my earring collection.)
I collect fabric.
I collect glass jars.
I collect old and broken cameras.
I collect crayons.
I collect books.
I collect Disney DVDs.
I collect glue sticks.
I collect match books.
I collect mascara tubes…yes, even old ones.. Yes, even ones that the mascara has turned into tar.. I promise I will make an art project out of it. (My justification for A LOT of my “collections”)
I collect skeleton keys.
I collect globes.
I collect seashells.
I collect strips of paint samples.
Years ago…for whatever reason.. I started collection buttons. Not real sure why.. I mean.. yeah, I sew a lot and make lots of crafty things that have buttons on them…but.. Ummm.. Why do I need gallons of them? And, why do I feel the need to continue collecting them.
But one weird thing that I noticed I collect is yearly pennies.
Just, regular…everyday circulation pennies.
Most aren’t shiny…or…clean for that matter.
I do not seek out pennies..
I just save one when I am waiting in line and find it randomly in my wallet..
Or…find it on the ground…
or when I receive a weird amount back from a purchase like, $2.51 back…
I usually look at that one very insignificant penny.
And, I could not tell you where they all are.. They aren’t in a case or collector’s portfolio.
They are just scattered everywhere.
But, I know I have them.
I have one in the console of my car that I make sure I don’t spend.
I have one taped to the back of my dorm room door.
I have one glued to the inside of my journal.
I have one in a shot glass.
I have one that I made into a magnet.
I have one inside an envelope.
I have one tucked away in a compartment in my wallet.
I have one that I am determined to make into a keychain.
I have one that is from the year I was born….
What is the point to all this? Why am I telling you this and rambling on and on and on?
Because it hit me yesterday.
….well…
….sad face…
…It hit me when I asked my best friend if she would save me a 50 cent roll of pennies..
new, fresh off the mint….
2012 pennies.
In one month…30 something days…
I will be a plane going away from the Lincoln coin.
I will be going away from my bed… from Diet Dr. Pepper…from air conditioning…from clean showers…from cheesecake.
I will be going away from my nephew turning two in June.
I will be going away from residents that have become close friends.
I will be going away from co-workers that I laugh with.
I will be going away from friends that I text message everyday.
I will be going away from family that bind me together.
I will be going away from the man whose heart beats in sync with mine.
It hit me.
….and…. I cried.
…and cried..
And…cried…
Then…cried some more..
Then, cried a lot more..
Don’t get me wrong.. I have prayed and prayed and prayed over the Worldrace for 5 years!!
I know that the Lord has more than equipped me, prepared me.
But, it doesn’t make this journey easy.
It doesn’t make it enjoyable to tell my family, friends, love ones, or Justin good-bye.
I am starting to comprehend what I will see, do, experience next year.
The physical part is already though..eating foods that I have no idea what it is.. Sleeping on the ground…being in extreme temperature differences from one continent to the next…
The mental part will be even tougher…being away from the gears in my life.. Seeing things I have never seen before…weeping over the destruction and devastation across this world.
But, the spiritual aspect will be the toughest.. Seeing the desperation of a mother to sell her child into slavery for the promise of a meal… seeing strong hold addictions that have cripples lives for years.. Seeing the spiritual warfare that we chose to ignore here in America..
I will see, do, experience it all and so much more.
Don’t get me wrong.. Next year will not be total gloom, sorrow and sadness. It just seems like it as I sit here weeping…trying to type and make sense of these ramblings.
I know that the Lord is going to completely blow my expectations…that are ridiculously high already.
I know that the Lord is going to shape and mold me in ways I never even dreamed of.
I know that the Creator will not return back void.
I know that He will supernaturally bring heaven to earth.
I know that He will allow me to see that transition from the grips of hell on a human to the total and complete restoration of that soul..
God is able.
He heals, restores and loves.
It just hit me…all at once…
In all its wonder, mystery, anticipation, sadness and reality.
It all hit me yesterday… what my life will be like in 30 short days..
I am ready.
But.. For right now.. I cry.
I have no false modesty.
It hit me…
And, I wept harder, more intense than ever before last night as I tried to digest all this.
How can I leave my fiancé? What is going to happen?
Lord…I can not even put it into words…
I can not even control this stream running down my face..
Pray for me as I prepare to leave.
Pray that I will be fully funded.
This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
THIS IS BY FAR THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.
I wept…
over a penny.
　
