“How is everything going?”
That is the question most of y’all are probably asking when you are thinking or praying for me and my squad. Well, that has been a loaded question.
I have cried at least once everyday that I have been here (I have only been here for 5 days). If you really knew me, you would know I maybe cry a few times a year. So, I am exceeding my normal amount of tears for the year.
I miss home.
I miss family.
I miss friends.
I miss comfortability.
Yes, these past few days have been hard with homesickness, already. We have had an INCREDIBLE host family we have been living with, but it isn’t the same as my family. It has finally hit that I won’t be home for a whole year. I cannot shake this feeling of missing home.
Not only am I homesick, but I have had a hard time figuring out what my role is on the team. Nos Amis (my team’s name) is packed with many extroverted people and many natural born leaders. It is actually really amazing we have so many strong women and men of God, but can be very intimidating at times for an introvert like me. I am not the most open person right away either. It takes me a while to let people know and I feel like there are expectations that we need to be super close at first. Um, not for me.
Ministry has been difficult for me as well. I feel disconnected spiritually when we go places and just in general. There have been moments in ministry where I can see the Lord work, but I expected to be a certain way in ministry and I am not meeting those expectations.
There have been a combinations of of things that have made these first five days very difficult for me. I prayed that this would not be way the whole month or year will be and the Lord has answered that prayer.
(KEEP READING IT GETS REALLY GOOD)
Tonight for our team meeting/debrief, we practiced listening prayer.
There are three sections in a listening prayer:
- Inviting the Spirit to speak to you personally
- Inviting the Spirit to speak to you about your ministry
- Inviting the Spirit to speak to you about anyone on your team
I tried to be as open as I could, but I have only done listening prayer maybe once and that was in June at training camp. So, we prayed for each section and let me tell you the Spirit was very present.
Personally:
I felt a heavy weight on my chest and when I felt a slight bit of relief, it went back to being heavy again. I felt the Spirit telling me, “Amy, you do not have to carry this weight anymore, just let me have it!” I feel like God was telling me that I need to give him all the homesickness, expectation and anything else that is going on and give it FULLY to Him.
Ministry:
When I listened for the Spirit to give me wisdom about what is to come with ministry this week, all I could hear Him saying is “This is your week! You will find your place on this team and in my ministry” So, I wanted to test Him (never a good idea) and I said, “Well if you think so, tell someone else to tell me the same thing”.
I should not test God. When it was time to share, another teammate said, “I felt like He was telling me that this is your week Amy.” Talk about going pale. I was shocked, amazed and in awe.
Team:
We prayed for the Spirit to tell us anything we need to tell someone on the team. I saw something for someone and it correlated to something she saw. CRAZY. People told me they saw or heard the following: rock, lock and “I am about to unlock what I have for You.”
Ohhhh shoooottt!
It was completely reassuring to have that time to sit with God and feel one with Him again. I feel like I have been in a drought the past five days and I am now flooding with Him.
The Lord showed up when I was willing to open myself for Him to work through me and He never lets me down.
So, this is going to be an incredible beginning to an incredible year. Be ready for an update on what the Lord is going to be doing this week.
Thank you all for the prayers for me, my team, my squad and the people we are encountering.
Love you all!!
“But it’s trouble ahead if you think you have it made, what you havee is all you’ll ever get.
And it’s trouble ahead if you’re satisfied with yourself, your self will not satisfy you for long.
And it’s trouble ahead if you think life’s all fun and games. There is suffering to be met, and you’re going to meet it.” Luke 6: 24-25
