Coming into this month, I honestly was dreading the whole thing. The ministry that we were told we were doing was what we have been doing the past three months, and I was walking into the month with a sour attitude. Every day in India we have been going to churches and having night services. Our ministry day starts around 5:30 pm and ends around 10 or 11 each night. Our ministry consists of a few hours a day. The rest of the day is us getting in the Word together or sitting in silence or playing a game or even watching a movie every now and then.
My foul attitude lingered until the Lord slowly changed it throughout the month as I was forced to rest, not spiritually rest, but physically rest.
He forced me to rest for not just a day but a FULL WEEK.
If you really know me, you would know that I SUCK at resting. Like I hate resting with a burning passion. It is never actually restful. I must not be doing something right.
I came down with a fever for a week straight and my team would not let me out of the house to attend ministry. I got really frustrated at them really quickly when they told me I couldn’t leave the house for the few hours that we get to leave the house each day. I was irritated as I laid on my hard sleeping pad all flipping day.
I complained every second of every day through that week in my head. I complained through the hospital visit and through the countless hours of my back hurting because my sleeping pad isn’t good enough to withhold my body for hours and hours a day. I tried to keep a good attitude so that I could seem good enough to go to ministry, but my team did not see through my fake smile.
This would be a blessing to most people, but for me it was the biggest burden I could have carried this month. It was just another reason for me not to like India. The list just kept getting longer and longer at why India was the worst country out there.
When I finally stopped fighting the rest that was handed to me, I started telling the Lord how I really felt about the whole situation. Let me tell you, I did not hold anything back. I let Him hear all of my thoughts. The good, the bad, the ugly thoughts that I have been waiting to tell Him all came out one night as I lay there waiting for my team to come back with their interesting stories of ministry that night.
I told Him I was pissed that He was making me rest. I was pissed that I couldn’t be at home in Millington laying in my comfortable bed with my mom and dad making me food and forcing meds down my throat. I so wanted to be in Tennessee in the comfort of my home and family. Why did I have to be in India with ten kids downstairs yelling, “Sister, are you feeling better? Sister Amy, what is wrong? Sister, do you have a fever?” If one more kid asked me how I was feeling, I was going to rip them a new one.
When that was stripped away from me, that is when the Lord could come and be comfort. As much as I fought the comfort of the Lord, I went to my favorite passage in Lamentations when I didn’t know where else to go.
It says,
“I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.
I remember it all- oh, how well I remember-
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there’s one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,
his merciful love couldn’t have dried-up.
They’re created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He’s all I’ve got left.
God proves to be good tot he man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It’s a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It’s a good thing when you’re young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don’t run from trouble. Take if full-face.
The “worst” is never the worst.
Why? Because the Master won’e ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal of are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
in throwing roadblocks in the way:”
Lamentations 3:19-33
After I read this passage, I felt so much comfort as much as I did not want to admit it. This passage reminded me that even though I am in a hard spot, (which I have honesty had a hard time since day one on the race) the Lord is still good and I need to press into this hard time. I keep trying to be the victim and say that my life is so hard when really “The worst is never the worst.”
During the week of sickness, the Lord showed me just how corrupt my thoughts have been toward the race, my team, ministry and even Him. So many days I have wanted to give up and take the easy way out, but I have to choose each morning that I am sticking with God and He has a bigger plan for my life. The race is just a preparation for that plan.
My thoughts are now, thank you Lord for bringing me to India. Thank you for forcing me to rest because without it, I would not have realized the comfort the Lord is for me through this hard season.
If you have made it this far in my blog, congrats! Haha overall, there is hope even in the hard times. We have to choose the Lord each and every day. We have to say yes to the hard times and know that the Lord is going to bring something beautiful out of the “pits” that we get in. He will bring us out of them because He is sitting right there with us in the pit that we find ourselves in more times than not.
The Lord is a constant comforter and counselor. We just have to allow Him to be that for us and our lives. In the deepest part of the pit is when we learn how to fully surrender what we have to the Lord.
Surrender is the hardest thing to do, but when we get to the point in the pit where all we can do is surrender, that is where true freedom comes.
The Lord is showing me how He truly is my comfort as well as how free I can be in surrendering the control I so wish to have in my life.
Thank you for all of your constant prayers and encouragement.
Please pray as we round third coming home here in India that we can look around and be utterly overwhelmed with His hand here in India. Pray that as we leave India soon for Cambodia that we have comfort as we say goodbye to families we have loved and have loved us very well.
May God shower you with many blessings this holiday season!
