Looking back at my life before I entered into this relationship with Christ , I said yes to almost every man that asked me out. I never thought twice, being asked out validated my identity and brought fulfillment in the places that felt empty. I mean what girl doesn't love being wined and dined. As the dates would end with a kiss, they would also end with anxiousness. Did he like me? Did I like him? Will he call me ? Should i call him? After going on many dates and kissing way too many frogs, I was still left without my prince.
While in the dungeon it seems almost impossible to be content in the season of singleness. Unlike the princesses in the Disney movies, I often get impatient and go running to find my prince. Usually slaying my own dragon, risking my life, and getting torched in the process. This has been the result of all the times I have worked to win the man I had tried to mold and perfect to be the right fit. Kinda like Cinderella's step sisters as they tried to fit Cinderella's shoe on their oversized feet, I tried to fit these different men to be my husband, it was uncomfortable, painful, and brought bad foot cramps, I ended up having to throw the shoes I thought I loved out.
In the middle of my two year relationship, God showed me that no man will fill that empty spot, because man was never intended to. God is the only one that can fulfill and satisfy my heart. After that relationship came to an end, God began opening my eyes to what a single woman who fears and trusts Him looks like.
It was then that He continued purifying me. I began saying NO to dates, I began desiring to guard my heart more and glorify Him in every action. Kisses became more and more sacred to me. I grew tired of kissing frogs, and realized I wanted to keep these lips for my true prince, the man God has set aside for me. Singleness was starting to become more appealing, and contentness seemed more feasable and enjoyable than before. Purity had started taking over, it has yet to finish its course, I am in the process of the renewal of my mind, possibly the most challenging
I admit with rosy cheeks, that when I meet a man especially one seeking after the Lord, I usually think to myself could this be the one? Could this be the man I have longed to meet, the one I have day dreamed about since I was a little girl?
Being on the world race has magnified this purification process, because I am surrounded by men who truly hunger after God, men who are of good character, who contain wisdom and integrity. Men I honestly did not think truly existed. These men are not perfect by all means, but they are rare.
As my fleshly nature warred against me, I was again brought to repentance. I fell into my sin once again, not of action this time but of thought. My thoughts were not pure, they did not look at these men as brothers, but a desire that was left with the question, could one of them be the man I marry one day?
Those desires began to consume me, I desired to be desired, and my thoughts went back to how I used to think. Lust had crept back in, this time it did not return alone, but with conceit, pride, charm, and a beauty that is fleeting. Instead of wanting to give all the glory to God, I wanted all the glory to come to me. I was ready to use the charm and beauty that God has given me for my own selfish gain, and possibly win the man I had longed for.
After a couple months I realized I had wanted to get married for all the wrong reasons, I wanted to get married for me, to be loved, to feel intimacy, I wanted to be known and cared for. I wanted to be lavished with compliments and gifts. To laugh uncontrollably, to make memories with someone who understood me and my crazy sense of humor, that doesn't always make sense. Most of all I just wanted to be with someone that would accept me for me, the good, the bad and the ugly. I wanted marriage for me, not for the man I would marry, or for God.
Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. It shows the covenant God has made to us, a covenant He will not break. He is faithful, marriage is not about me, or the man i marry. It is not about being fulfilled, or happier, but so much more than that. it is a display of how Christ loves us, His church, His bride. It is about sacrifice, and a love deeper than words. Ultimately, the two being brought together in unity, will glorify Christ better together than apart.
While God continues giving me a deeper understanding of His will for my life, for me as a woman in singleness with desires for marriage. I will continuing waiting for my groom, leaving the dragon slaying to him. God is bringing me to a deeper place of contentment, satisfaction and trusr in Him.
This has been a challenging and painful refining process, one that God has been walking me through step by step. I am far from being completely finished with this process, but I am thankful that since God has started this work in me, that He has promised to finish it :)!
As I eagerly await the completion, let's toast to His faithfulness and love ! I hope you enjoy the song I attached, it's a perfect reminder for me, as I eagerly await His work in me, I don't want to forget to eagerly await for His presence :)!
XOXOXOX
Amie Gallegos
