Breaking Chains is the name of our ministry this month, but also what the Lord has been doing in my life… breaking the chains of self-doubt and comparison. If I’m being honest, I didn’t realize they were such an issue until I came on the Race. At Training Camp, I compared myself to my younger, more adept at camping squad mates. At Launch I compared myself to “holier” teammates with their visions, gifts in listening prayer, and ease at praying over complete strangers. In Quiche, I compared myself to the energizer bunnies who never took a break during our month of manual labor. And this month I compared myself to the ladies of Real Love who seem to excel in every “womanly” role possible. They are culinary genius, baby whispering, fashionistas!
For the past three weeks we have been loving on ladies and babies, a simple task, one would think. But about a week and a half ago I found myself at a crossroads sobbing over the fact that I couldn’t sooth a little one and get him to stop crying long enough to put him down for his mid-morning nap. I know what you’re thinking, “You’re a teacher, you are good with kids.” Yes, this is true… when they are about 8 years or older. When they are any younger I get this sort of deer in the headlights thing going on. It’s bad.
I removed myself from the situation and went immediately to the Word. The scripture that came to mind was Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When I was younger, I thought that meant the Lord would give me whatever I desire. At the time, I wanted what “all girls wanted”… to be married, have a ton of kids, and raise a family. As I grew older and more mature in my faith, I realized that the verse actually meant He would place desires on my heart.
When I came to that conclusion, things changed. I became content in where He had placed me. Sarah Young, author of Jesus Calling wrote it perfectly. “Do not be afraid to be different from other people. The path I have called you to travel is exquisitely right for you.” I’ve always known I was Different, In a Good Way and the path He has chosen for me may not look typical in the world’s eyes. I may not innately possess the stereotypical female love of cooking, baby talk, and shopping, but the Lord has certainly grown me in these areas this month and I pray this year He continues to reveal the desires of my heart.
