Hey y’all!!
It has been a while since we have chatted, but I want to share a bit of what the past few months have looked like for me. We had two months to get from Bulgaria to Mijas, Spain for debrief and a weeklong parent vision trip ( PVT)- my next blog will be about PVT :). We went from Bulgaria to Greece, Italy, France, and then ended in Spain.
While we were in France, we spent fifteen days camping, and walking over ten miles a day on the Camino. If you are not familiar with the camino, it is a pilgrimage that starts in Israel and ends in Santiago de Compostela, Spain. This pilgrimage can be months, weeks or days depending on the route you take, how far you walk and your time table. The Camino was not something I was originally super excited about; it was something leadership felt we should do – so we did. I think it is so funny that this year we have lived so spontaneously that when we are given even a bit of structure, we don’t know what to do with it haha!
During the Camino I started reading a book by Lysa TerKeurst called It’s Not Supposed to be This Way. The Lord used this book to show me areas of my life where I have blamed Him for disappointments that actually were not his doing. It brought up unmet expectations I had that I allowed to blur the lense that I viewed God through. I know that we all have walked through disappointments or have had some unfulfilled expectations in our lives – it might look different for each person, but we all have had those experiences. For some, we thought we would have the whole career, family, 401K thing down before thirty. Others are suddenly met with loss and grief when least expected, or maybe you are looking through life realizing that disappointment has met you time and time again, and you have just accepted the whole “God is in control” thing and simply moved on.
I have to say that I relate more to the last one, I know God is good and in those difficult moments I think to myself how does a good God lead me down to place of death, sickness, or pain? That doesn’t really align with who I think God is, so then who is God really? Where is He in these difficult times? Why does He allow these things to happen? These are all valid questions – questions I think are important to bring to Him and have HIM show you the answers to, and not be content with a quote you read about God or something your Christian friend told you once. These are not questions we should skip over, or just cover up with a Christian sticker that says “Fragile”. God isn’t afraid of our questions, He is not afraid that we wrestle with ideas or scriptures. Somewhere along the way we were told that we are just meant to believe and follow without asking those fundamental questions. I encourage you to ASK because He so desperately wants to meet you and answer! Here are some quotes from the book that really hit home for me (along with scripture to back them up) and encouraged me to press into the Lord in the midst of disappointment no matter how difficult.
? “When His timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention seems hurtful and His promises seem doubtful, I get afraid. I get confused. And left alone with those feelings, I can’t help but feel disappointed that God isn’t doing what I assume a good God should do.” – Isaiah 64:8, Jeremiah 18:6
? ” God doesn’t want to be explained away. He wants to be invited in.” – Hebrews 2:17-18 ; Proverbs 13:12
? ” To deny my feelings any voice is to rob me of being human. But to let my feelings be the only voice will rob my soul of healing perspectives with which God wants to comfort me and carry me forward.” – Revelation 21:3-5
? ” Feeling the pain is the first step toward healing the pain. The longer we avoid the feeling, the more we delay our healing. We can numb it, ignore it, or pretend it doesn’t exist, but all those options lead to an eventual breakdown, not a breakthrough.” – Hebrews 2:14-15; 17-18
I hope this encourages you, wherever you are, that even though we don’t live in a perfect world that we have a perfect Father. We face some really difficult challenges and heartbreaking realities sometimes, but we don’t ever face them alone. It is so freeing to know that we don’t have to “clean ourselves up” or come to Him with answers – we can come just as we are. How crazy is it that we have a God who came and endured suffering so that He could also know the depth of our hurt and pain here on earth? That when we come with snotty faces to Him, He actually knows how we feel? You guys that is unreal, crazy! What kind of God does that? A good God!!
I have enjoyed being able to connect with you guys through what God asks me to write about or simply sharing with you what He is doing in my heart/life. Feel free to send me prayer requests or if you just need a chat, I am always here!
Until next time friends <3
