Something the Race is teaching me a lot about is saying goodbye. Before we arrived in our first country, before the ministry starts, before learning how to manage the weekend budget, before giving or receiving feedback or really anything that comes with being on the race, you have to walk in obedience and leave your friends, family, and home. For me this was a massive, challenging step, no matter how hard I tried to hide it. My family hasn’t always been perfect and we are still far from it, but we are strong and have walked through a lot together. God had brought a lot of redemption through the healing, and used that to show me His love and grace. He took something broken and brought it back to life, even though as a unit we might not have been seeking Him. So having God ask me to walk away from this gift, that was good and from Him was very difficult. I was confused, and scared that leaving would create this separation between me and them. Taking the first step was one of the hardest things I had to do. I remember sitting on the floor in my home church crying because of how scared I was of leaving everything I had ever known. I spent the week up until launch mostly home alone with my niece and crying every time I looked at her because I had nothing to do but sit in my fear and silence trying to pack, debating if I had made the right choice. The entire car ride to launch I was crying, a mix of sadness and fear overwhelming me, then I pulled into the parking lot of the hotel and saw a few of my squad mates walking and peace instantly flooded me. Just that small glimpse of the new family God had prepared for me, brought the comfort I needed. He still had a plan and even though I was scared, His plan was greater and stepping into it brought more blessings and growth that I could have ever asked for. Realizing Cambodia was right around the corner these feeling started coming back around. For the past three months my team has been working with mostly kids, playing with them, making them laugh, and just loving them. It would have been easy to shut down, put walls up guarding my heart from loving these kids, going to ministry and just make it half hearted to protect myself. During a team coffee date we were asked about ministry, and the topic of not wanting to get attached to the kids out of fear of having to leave them in a few weeks was brought up. Our SL reminded us that we are blessed with the chance to cry over those kids, and blessed to get to love them. We got to be a small part of God’s plan for their lives. God was with them before we got there and He is still there with them now that we aren’t. Going into kids ministry I knew I was gonna love them, the heart break of leaving was going to happen so I choose to ignore it until I couldn’t anymore. This past week hugging the kids I could for the last time, looking at their faces, crying knowing it could be the last time I saw them, I choose to try and embrace that. Knowing I loved them well and that God was crying with me. The beautiful thing about ministry, and building relationships, is that the relationships just don’t disappear overnight, the love doesn’t go away because we moved to another country, and God doesn’t leave when we do. When we came to Costa Rica we walked into God’s plan, He didn’t need us here, He wanted us here. It is a blessing to be apart of it, to feel the pain of leaving, and loving them without knowing what tomorrow brings for you or them. So Gracias A Dios for the relationships, friendships and love that was built here in Costa Rica, and all that will come in Cambodia.
