Values within community…
Freedom.
Simplicity.
Peace.
Effectiveness.
Courage.
Trust.
Humility.
Those are mine.
All values that I didn’t realize were SO important to me until they have been seemingly taken away to some degree or another. I tend to have a pretty high threshold for things outside of my norm. However, community can be super exhausting. Especially the 24/7 kind of community I’ve lived in for the last 308 days.
I can put aside my preferences.
I can defer to others.
I can put them first all the time.
Apparently, for 10.5 months.
And now, I can’t.
It’s taken me 10.5 months to get to a point where I actually can’t anymore. And I’m so grateful it’s happening now!
Self-advocation
It’s something that we’ve learned about and fought for throughout the entire race.
And I’ve avoided it.
After all, it’s selfish, right?
If I can bare something, then why shouldn’t I?
Especially when it makes things easier for someone else?
Ugh, I don’t know why that’s my default thought and I’m trying to believe what I know is true. Self advocation actually helps me to love the people around me best.
I got to a point where I just want my freedom, simplicity, peace, and effectiveness back. I want to be by myself because I want these things, and I’m guaranteed to get them in solitude.
But that’s not actually what I want.
I want to be courageous enough to communicate my needs before they’re so critical that I just want to run away. I want to be humble enough to admit that I’m not super-woman and I can’t do it all, all the time. I want to trust the people around me enough to voice what I need and have it be received and granted. I want to be in close community that will support my complete health whatever that might entail.
Instead of giving a solid 80% of myself 100% of the time, I want to give 100% of myself to all that I choose to do, which may be giving closer to 80% time-wise.
It’s a rough lesson to be learning with 2 weeks left, but I’m grateful for the perspective it brings. With this new perspective I can see things that I would’ve done differently throughout this year, but I can also see how to apply those things moving forward.
I can walk in all of these values with other people. And I’m going to fight to do that.
