Yo, theses first couple of weeks have been WILD. A whirlwind. Overwhelming. Peaceful. All at the same time. I had three days of training in Gainesville where I met our team and our days were packed with sessions to try to prep us for the coming year.
Then we took off for Asheville NC where we slept in the homeless shelter and lived on the streets.
I found myself exhausted at the end of the first day.
5 am: Lights on- out of bed
6 am: breakfast
8 am: leave the shelter for the day (women could stay there and hang out in the chapel all day if they wanted to but we would leave since that’s what the men were to do).
12pm: lunch
4pm: dinner
5pm: curfew/showers
6:30pm: ladies time
9pm: lights out
Then all too soon it would be 5am again.
When you see those gaps it may not seem like we were doing a lot, but when you have no where to go during the day, even existing during that time can be a challenge. When you’re trying to connect with people that whole time, its exhausting. It was cold and we didn’t always have somewhere to be inside. It was a lot.
One perspective shift for me was my reaction to peoples perception of me. In my head I was quick to justify my homelessness whenever I was treated differently. I wanted to tell people, “oh, I’m not actually homeless.” Or “I’m just here for the week.” But in actuality, I am homeless. I’ve been ‘homeless’ for the last year and a half.
Now there’s a VAST difference between my version of homelessness and so many others. I have places that are open to me. I have friends and family who would, and have generously taken me in. I was able to enter stores and coffee shops without being questioned to get warm during the day because I don’t read as homeless.
I don’t know what it’s like to be forced into homelessness. I don’t know what it’s like to have circumstance that are outside of my control lead to homelessness. I don’t know what it’s like to be so strung out on drugs that I have no where to go but a shelter. I don’t know what it’s like to have burned bridges with friends and family. I don’t know what it’s like to be forced to abide by someone else’s rules for my life and schedule just so I can get food and a bed at night.
I am homeless, but I’m not.
Houseless seems more accurate.
It’s a strange middle-ground.
In the same week I was called out for not actually being homeless, and avoided for being just that.
One night, some youth serving at the shelter, wouldn’t look me in the eye when I was in the food line. Their fear and uncomfortability was palpable. And it was because I was homeless.
The next night, I sat down by a lady and the first thing she said to me was, ‘you’re not homeless, what are you doing here?’ It wasn’t malicious, she wasn’t accusing, she just new we didn’t actually belong.
And I had the same reaction both ways.
When I was feared for being homeless…
Defensiveness. I wanted to tell the kids that I wasn’t “actually” homeless.
When I was called out for not being homeless…
Defensiveness. I wanted to tell her how I’d chosen this life to come alongside her.
I’m telling ya’ll, it’s a lot to process and I’m not even close to finished.
I loved living at the mission. Even though it was hard, I was welcomed with open arms. I made friends who showed me the ropes and helped me through the first nights procedures. As I wandered the streets and asked people questions I was trusted with many peoples stories and I was able to share my own. The good, bad, and ugly of it all. There was so much hurt and pain but also hope. There was kindness. There was joy. There was community. There was openness to hearing about the Lord. I prayed over many people and spoke truth and life into their lives through the Holy Spirit. All while realizing that I am just as broken, it only looks different.
I’ll forever treasure the stories that were vulnerably shared, and the incredible friendships that I made at the mission. I’ll be continuing to battle with them in prayer and hope to visit again some day.
Man, God is so good.
I’d love to answer questions if people have any. I also look forward to sharing stories more specific stories of how God showed up for me but due to the sensitive nature of so much that went on this last week, I’ll more likely do that in person.
These couple of weeks have been challenging but rewarding, and SO fun! Our team is currently in the Black Mountain area of NC. It’s beautiful and I’m loving my time here. More on that in the future.
Dad, I’m good (:
UPDATE: We visited this community on our way to Charlotte and it was SO life-giving. They shared with us the impact of our week living in the Mission and testimony of how it had carried on while we were gone. With that one choice of coming back we showed them that our love for them was legit and we will actually remember them and continue to pray over them. Wow, go Jesus, go!
