It’s hard to believe that my life is packed away into these small compression sacks – and I will be lugging them around, country to country, for the next year (don’t mind my very visible pair of Victoria’s Secret underwear in the middle one… oops)! I thought that living out of a backpack for a year sounded fun, and would be easy… but packing up this bag has proven to be one of the more challenging and anxiety producing things I’ve endured so far on this journey (which yes, I am aware is just starting). I moved back to Salt Lake after graduating from college in Oregon a week ago, and I’ve been frantically gathering things I will likely need along the way since then (not to mention trying to wrap my head around the fact that I just said goodbye to the place I called home for the last four years as well as the community that made it). Perhaps one of the coolest and more comforting things about this gear fiasco is that friends and family have graciously bought much of it for me! So, when I use these items, I get to be reminded of them- and I can imagine that remembrance will be a huge blessing this next year! Anyway, every night for the past three nights or so I have laid awake for an hour or more going over everything that I still need for my journey, and how the heck I can possibly repack my backpack differently so that my tent or my pillow can fit inside. To be honest though, the backpack is probably the littlest of my problems. Afterall, this trip isn’t about stuff anyway. It’s about people, and relationships, and showing God’s love and truth to a broken world.
I am going to Atlanta tomorrow to spend the night with two of my future squadmates before we drive to White, Georgia for training camp on Saturday. Although I am incredibly excited to finally meet the people who I have been sporadically conversing with and Facebook stalking for the past few months (okay, more than a few, I was accepted to the Race in October), I am terrified! I know that these fears are completely irrational, but I still have them… what if they don’t like me? What if my introvert is too uncomfortable? I’ve never been to Georgia… what if I pack all the wrong clothes and am freezing or overheating? What if my stomach acts up because I have weird food allergies and I’m in pain all day? What if I’m not charismatic enough (I come from a Presbyterian tradition… what do you mean raise my hands in worship?! Okay… maybe that’s exaggerating… but only a little)? What if I don’t know the Bible well enough? What if I can’t pray (because I have hardly been able to pray out loud for the past six months, regardless of how many ways I try)? The list goes on and on (I mean, these are only my anxieties about training camp- a week long pre-trip escapade)…
I know that these are silly fears… and I know many of the verses that can comfort them. I know that these are minuscule things compared to what may be coming. I know that the Lord has a plan for me, and I cling to Jeremiah 29:11 daily, ‘”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”‘ I guess it’s just human nature to worry, and I am not exempt.
Although this blog is slightly cynical, please know that I am still so excited for what’s to come! Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement along the way – I am so thankful for your support (I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. Ephesians 1:16)! Stay tuned for another update post-Training!
