Tuesday was rough. I did not want to be in Panama and I did not want to be on the Race. All I wanted to do was jump on a plane and be there for my Dad’s surgery. I am always there for those kinds of things and on Tuesday I wasn’t. It absolutely broke my heart to know that I wasn’t in the waiting room with my mom and I wasn’t by my dad’s side when he came out of surgery. I wrestled with God all day and wondered how I could possibly miss all these major life situations/events over the course of the next 11 months? I knew that day was going to be a struggle, but I didn’t know that I would be such a wreck and so discouraged.
I woke up that morning already dreading ministry for the day. I didn’t want to be around anybody or do anything. We went out into the city of Dolega to distribute Bibles. As we went from house to house I tried to focus on the people we were meeting and talking to, but I just couldn’t get my mind off home. Then we met Berta. I saw her off in the distance, leaning her fragile body against the gate of her home. She began talking to us the minute we came into view and her warm smile drew us in. We could barely get a few sentences out before she opened the gate and ushered us into her home. Sitting in her home, she began to tell us story after story about her life and her invisible friend. This woman has experienced so much pain in her life and she couldn’t go more than a few minutes without crying. She was never able to have children. Her husband had passed away. Her parents had passed away. Numerous other family members and friends had passed away. About a month or two ago she fell in her home and hurt her knee. She has since been in so much pain and never stops asking God to heal her. My heart broke over the course of the next hour as she kept talking. She kept referencing her invisible friend and how he is the only one that is always there for her. At first, I thought it was a little strange and thought she was talking about an imaginary friend or something. But then she pointed to a picture of Jesus hanging on her wall. He’s the one she talks to when she is so very lonely hour after hour, day after day. She no longer goes to church because she isn’t able to walk there. We prayed over her knee and asked the Lord to heal her. I begged and pleaded with Him in those moments to free her from her pain and heal her knee right then and there. God didn’t heal her right in that moment, but I have faith that she will be healed!
Listening to Berta, I began to put my own sadness into perspective. She has lost so much, and I still have everything. I have my parents, I have my brother, I have my family and friends. She has nobody, except her invisible friend (Jesus). I could see her love for Him shine through so clearly. The way she talked about Him was incredible and very humbly to listen to. I was so sad and upset that I couldn’t be with my Dad for his surgery, yet I should’ve been grateful in the first place that he was even alive and that all went well. Even though I physically couldn’t be with him in that moment, I knew I was still able to talk to him.
Berta gave me a completely new perspective on Jesus. She didn’t call Him her imaginary friend which is defined as a psychological and social phenomenon where a friendship takes place in the imagination. Instead He is her invisible friend. Invisible is defined as unable to be seen; not visible to the eye. It’s something that is definitely real, but simply not visible to the human eye such as air, oxygen, etc. Even though we can’t see Jesus, that doesn’t mean that He doesn’t exist. He is literally with us 24/7 and everywhere we go. This week I’ve been able to see Him is so many more areas of my daily life. I used to just consider Him with me or more with me during my quiet times, times of worship or times of prayers. However, since meeting Berta, I’ve seen Him in the joyous laughter of a child, bonding with my teammates over popcorn and card games, in my hammock out in the woods, cooking meals for 50+ people, etc. On Tuesday, I saw Him with my mom in the waiting room and with my dad in surgery. I saw Him in my teammates who sat with me as I cried, hugged me countless times during the day and just accepted me where I was at. I literally see Him everywhere! I am beyond grateful for the opportunity I had to meet Berta and I look forward to experiencing more and more of who Jesus is on a daily basis. It’s amazing to me how God can use some of our toughest days to teach some of the most incredible lessons.
