Before I left on the World Race, I had to pass a physical endurance test at Training Camp where I had to hike 2 miles with my pack in under 40 minutes. When I first heard about this task, I freaked out because, heaven knows, I wasn’t in great shape. A friend of mine decided he was going to help me prepare for the test by taking me hiking throughout the months leading up to Training Camp. As you can imagine, I wasn’t very excited about these preparation hikes, but I was determined to prove to myself that I could do it. Before I left on the Race, I wrote another blog, “11 Miles for #11n11,” about this dreaded hike that I describe below:
It’s funny how long it took me to have a revelation about the hike and just how closely it represents my time on the Race. I started out with energy and determination…and sarcasm. Then, a few miles in, I started to get tired. But, I didn’t want to turn around and give up; I wanted/ had to make it to the gate at the top. Similar to the Race, I started out so energetic, excited, and determined to accomplish this gigantic journey that was now my life. In the beginning, I didn’t know how to filter the things I said and was seriously lacking in tact. Then, as the months progressed and the countries and people flew by, the more tired I became. Yet, I knew I had to stick with it and keep going.
Looking back on the hike, when I was only a few miles from the top, I fell down 4 times. The first time it was annoying. Then, by the 4th time, I just had to laugh, get up, and keep moving forward one step in front of the other. Looking back on the Race, when I was halfway through the journey, I got sick 4 times in a row and was miserable. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to do ministry, I was tired, I didn’t feel good, and there were days I just wanted to go home; but, I had gone so far already. I remembered how I felt on the hike- when I finally made it to the top and I saw the gate standing there, I couldn’t believe it. I’d gone so far, and I felt like I’d accomplished something – a similar feeling to the accomplishment I felt in Vietnam and Thailand. After arriving at the top, I headed back down the mountain and felt a new burst of energy – just like in Guatemala month 9 when our parents came to visit for a week. But then the last mile down the mountain just about killed me. I was exhausted and hurting so much I could barely move. All I wanted to do was lay down and sleep for a week. During my final month on the Race in Nicaragua, I felt similar feelings of exhaustion and weakness. I had no energy to continue, and I was desperate to be done and to be home. When I finally made it home, I slept and barely did anything for 2 months before I felt recovered enough to start “living” again.
Looking back, it’s incredible to see all of the similarities and how, in a way, I was getting a glimpse into what my life would look like over the next year; it was preparing me for what was still unseen. I know that there is still so much for me to learn, so much to look back on, so much to realize concerning how the Race impacted and changed me. I know that it will probably take me years to even begin seeing how different things are now working in my life. I know that I’m not the same person I was a year and a half ago, or even 8 months ago, and that God is continuously working in my heart and in my life. He is taking me through challenges, stretching me, and pulling me out of my comfort zones. I know that in these growing moments, I struggle to see the purpose and to find understanding, but I also know that He has brought me through each of my struggles so far and that I’m a better person for them. It’s when we are out of our comfort zones that He can truly work in us and change us. Because of that, I’m thankful for each hardship, each new experience, and every opportunity. He has taken me to places and given me experiences that I never imagined.
I spent August through October of 2016 living in Michigan working on a horse ranch. Let me reiterate that- a horse ranch. I’ve always been afraid of horses: they’re HUGE, and they’re powerful. Yet, I know that somewhere in my future, they’re meant to be a part of my life more permanently. This conviction is continuously confirmed by the way that things have happened recently. Instead of looking back on my hike full of foreshadowing, let me tell you a little about life since Vietnam:
During month 6, my team and I were in Vietnam working at an English school. It was the month of December, my team was struggling with being away from home for Christmas, and we were trying to make the best of things. We bought a little tree and Christmas lights and hung them around our room. Then we decided to do a daily advent devotional together. One night during the devotion, I latched onto a detail read aloud and went off on my own little tangent in my head. As I sat there thinking, praying, and writing in my journal, a dream I once had for my life came to mind. The longer I sat there thinking about it and praying, the more I realized how important it would be to my future. The more I prayed, the more excited I felt. Several years ago, maybe even back to high school, I had a dream of working on a Boys’ Ranch for troubled teens. But as life went on and changed, that dream faded into the background and I forgot about it. During this moment in Vietnam, I was reminded of it again.
Once our devotion was over, my team began to talk about what they thought and asked questions they had about what it said. Everyone had spoken, and yet I was still in my own world trying to wrap my head around how I would fit into a Boys’ Ranch, what I could bring to the table (if anything), and how in the world I could ever turn my dream into a reality. I don’t have a college degree, I’ve never worked on a ranch, and I have a fear of horses… so, how could any of this apply to my life? My team finally came around to ask me what I thought of everything, and I had to tell them…I had no idea what the devotional was about. I hesitated to tell them what I had been thinking about because it was so new. I wasn’t sure about it, but I eventually began to tell them what I’d been thinking. Here’s the cool thing: they actually told me how perfectly that job would be for me. They started listing off the people who had impacted my life during the 6 months we had been gone, and they reminded me of some of my past stories I’d relayed about my friends and about people I’d worked with in Brazil. Each person was a young, teenage boy and usually was one of the kids that caused the most problems in the group. Each one had stolen a piece of my heart and changed me.
Throughout the rest of my trip, I was continually reminded of this dream, and I grew more and more excited about it as time passed. When we arrived in month 9 in Guatemala, our parents came to visit us for a week. During that week, we each were asked time and time again what we wanted to do once we got home. This was easily one of my least favorite questions- I had no freaking idea. I knew what I wanted to do with my life- to work on or run a boys’ ranch. But as for what I wanted to do 3 months from then, I was at a loss. The parents of one of my best friends, Lexi, were there, and they asked me that question as well. I mentioned wanting to work on a boys’ ranch eventually and about how I had no idea how I was going to get to that point without having any experience and not knowing where to start. Lexi’s mom looked at me for a minute and then said, “We know someone. I’ll get their information for you once we’re home, and you can contact them.” I just sat there and stared at her for a few moments before I could wrap my head around what she had said. When I found my voice, I told her I’d love to get the info, but my mind was blown. After she got home, she sent me the information, and I eventually got the courage to send them an email two months later. They immediately responded and told me they’d love to talk to me about options once I was back in the country. Once I was home, I sent them an email, which led to an hour-long phone call with the woman who runs the ranch and the program. She invited me to come and intern with their program, which works with special needs students using horses for therapy. I agreed to come and spend the month of August with them, and I ended up staying until the beginning of November.
Working on the ranch and with the staff was such a blessing for me. Not only did I get a new community and family when I most needed it, but I also got a lot of experience working with horses and students and seeing how the ranch and programs are run. Vicky, the woman who runs the place, gave me such an amazing opportunity- giving me riding lessons, teaching me how to work with the horses and how to teach them, how to look for maintenance needs and take care of them, feeding the horses, showing me how to put God first in all that I do each and every day, and how to make a moment teachable while bringing God into it as well. While I was there, I was again reaffirmed in my direction and desire to work with horses and troubled teens.
It actually made me laugh because I didn’t realize a key part of this experience until someone asked me 3 questions a few days before I left to come home. They asked me what surprised me the most, what the highlight was during my time there, and what I learned about myself. Every answer was tied to the same conclusion: I was most surprised by how comfortable I became around horses, even within the first week. As for question one, I was also surprised when I connected with a 16-year-old boy at my part time job where I bussed tables. For me, it came naturally to connect with teen boys while on the race, but I never really thought about it happening when I was back home. Yet, it still happened without me even trying or even realizing it; we were just drawn into friendship so easily. It was yet another confirmation that I’m supposed to work with teen boys. As for the second question about my highlight, it was hands-down working with Cosmo. He is a 9-year-old horse at the ranch that I was drawn to immediately. In regards to question three about what I learned about myself…well, that was a hard one. I couldn’t help but think that Cosmo had something to do with the answer, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I kept thinking about how he was always testing me when I was riding, seeing just how far he could push me. Finally, my boss, Vicky, spoke up saying that she thought Cosmo could also be the answer to this final question. In horse years, 9 is basically a teenager, and he knows his boundaries and the rules, but he pushes the limits to see how much he can get away with (just like a teenage boy would do). Again, he was the one I was drawn to- a teenage boy. Working with him showed me how to work with teens, how to correct and teach them, and how to connect. I think it’s funny, but I love how, even with horses, I’m drawn to the one who doesn’t always listen, the one who needs a little extra attention and direction at times. So many times over the past year, I’ve been reminded and affirmed in this dream, this direction for my life. I don’t know what will come next, I don’t know when the opportunity will come for my next step(s) towards this dream, and I don’t know a lot of things…but I do know that when the time is right, God will show me what to do, and if I am following His path for my life, then nothing can stand in my way.
Thank you again for your support while I was on my trip and even now that I’m home. It has meant the world to me knowing that I have so many people standing beside me, supporting me, and loving me. I know this update is long overdue and long in general, but thanks for taking the time to read it. Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to seek what God has for me and what steps he wants me to take.
