As my team and I sat in a circle about 2 weeks I go I remember looking at them and telling them “I honestly don’t desire friendship with all of you.” It was hard and it took a lot of them by surprise, but it was the truth.
I had got to the point of being done with living this World Race lifestyle. I sat on the bed a few evenings after this with two of my teammates crying. “I just want to go home,” is all I could muster up at that point. I even mentioned that if I didn’t reach my fundraising goal I would go home. My desire for the World Race was completely gone.
The next week my team and I were scheduled to go with our host, Rogil and Janice, to the village of Kampong Chhnang. Here at the village we were able to help get work done on the church being built, play with the children, and have visitation with families living there.
The Saturday before leaving to go to the village I knew a day was needed to just sit in prayer and focus on why I am here. I meditated on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and knew I was in the wrong. I had not been showing love to anyone that was in my path. I also felt the heaviness of not desiring to spend time with God.
I knew the 3 days my team would spend in the village was well needed. The Lord knew that in the midst of my emotional mess I needed to see the real reason why I am here on the World Race. As soon as we arrived I felt the freedom that I had been longing for so badly.
In the midst of picking many lice bugs out of a little girls head, to running around in circles with a group of children, or just sitting with a child who so desperately longs to be loved I heard God telling me “desire me as these children desire you and when you do, you will desire this more.“
What children can teach you is amazing. As these children clung to my team and I and we exchanged many smiles with them I realized our presence was enough to satisfy them. They simply just wanted to be with us. Isn’t that what the Father so badly wants from us? As His children, He wants for us to simply want to be with Him. Then in the midst of not desiring much of anything He restores all desire – the desire for you calling, the desire for the 5 beautiful women on your team, and most importantly the desire for Him.
