It’s hard. Not the race in itself, but being away from home.
I am always such a free spirited, go with the flow, independent person, but I don’t feel that from where I am sitting. I feel the weight of having 5 months of the race left and saddened that I am anticipating the arrival date of me coming home. I truly do want to finish strong, but at times it is hard to remember that when I see the photos of people celebrating my favorite holiday without me. It’s hard to remember that this World Race life has been my dream since junior year of high school. It’s hard to know that along with all the people from all over the world traveling Vietnam right now that next week I’m not going to my home like they probably are, but I am once again packing my bags to go to another country.
I love it, don’t get me wrong, but maybe my reasons for loving it are wrong. It’s hard when you don’t get to choose what ministry you get to pour in to, but trusting that the decision of someone else is what God is calling you to.
Honestly, I don’t free as I assumed I would on the race. I get a lot of alone time, despite the countless people who say you are never alone on the race. It is very possible, you just have to be intentional about finding that time. In that though I have to always inform someone where I am at and I usually have a set time to be back. Which is what I signed up for, but my little independent free heart is aching a little from it.
Throughout it all though, I am so thankful. I am thankful for the moments where people come along my path in these countries where it would have never happened had I never done this. People remind me of why I am here. In the middle of the days where I question about continuing on there they are right in front of me. The people. The cultures. The craziness of it all, I am reminded why I chose this lifestyle. I am reminded that it isn’t all about me, but it’s about the baristas at all the coffee shops I go to who need a glimmer of hope or the person on the street selling cheap street food who need a reason to smile. It’s not always about where I am assigned to be for the month, because sometimes there isn’t much to that. It’s about waking up and realizing there are people all around who need that glimmer of hope, you just have to step outside of your self priorities and see them there.
I hope this jumbled mess made sense, it is just kind of where my heart is right now. Just be in prayer that through all of the craziness I can constantly be reminded that God has planned for me to be here. He hasn’t planned for me to be in Tennessee celebrating Christmas right now, but He has had it planned all along for me to be here in Da Nang, Vietnam doing something far greater. Thank you for all your love and support, truly it means the world.
