3 years ago today, the Lord healed me of fear and anxiety. What was once a 2 and a half year battle of crippling fear and no hope of change was replaced with tremendous peace and overwhelming love. That is when I realized God was not a God of religion, but a God who was wanting a close intimate relationship with me. He wasn’t just sitting on the outside far away.
I finally saw it. I saw him as the God who comes close. That the rumors that he might love someone like me, was actually true. That is when I said yes to the invitation to pursue Him back and to actually follow Him and live my life for him, whatever that looked like.
For a year and a half after he healed me, I didn’t struggle with anxiety anymore. I had this new found peace. I felt free for the first time ever. There was no more panic. My life completely changed in an instant.
Then month 5 of the World Race I had a panic attack. It was the first one since he healed me.
Month 7, I had another one. Then Month 8. Again in Month 10. Another in Month 11. Then the day before I left for World Race America. And 4 over these last few weeks.
I can easily feel robbed. I can easily believe that all the progress and healing that has come, has now gone. This isn’t true though and I have to hold onto that.
What I am realizing is that the enemy wants to tie me down in anxiety and fear, and that can manifest in so many ways. Last week it was a fear of being eaten by a bear, this week is a fear of dying too young and not accomplishing the things I feel like the Lord might have for me. This week it is also realizing the fear of not accomplishing the things I was made for is causing a fear of dreaming and a fear of failing. It’s a vicious cycle.
It’s all fear. It is just popping up in a different way. I kind of think of it as a whack-a-mole game. The Lord forever smashed the head that was manifesting 3 years ago, but now the enemy is wants to come into other areas now that the last door is forever closed.
I say this because I just want you to be reminded that your present circumstances doesn’t determine everything. There is always more to the story. We are so limited in our view, we need to step back and try and get a heavenly perspective.
The heavenly perspective I am trying to hold fast to is that the Lord is taking me into deeper healing. He is helping me build a stronger foundation and a stronger trust in him. He is expanding my story from healing in one area into the complete removal of all anxiety, in every area. He is helping me step into becoming completely and wholly FEARLESS.
But it’s hard.
But the enemy can’t take away something the Lord gave you. It isn’t his to touch. This is part my story with the Lord.
There is actual freedom that the Lord wants to give you. Years ago I thought the things that I struggled with was just my life. I had to find a way to get over it because nothing could possibly change. I didn’t know at the time that the enemy was trying to keep me stuck.
Your life doesn’t have to look dull and grey. Is it possible that your life could actually be a story of victory, vibrant color, abundant joy, overwhelming peace? Yes. 1000% YES.
There is so much more to be had. There is so much more that Jesus wants for you. For me. You don’t have to stay in the same place.
The Lord is taking me into deeper healing. Those 1 and a half years of peace after the healing was amazing. Now it’s time for more. There is more freedom to be had.
Fear is a liar.
The enemy is a liar.
but, Jesus is GOOD.
Jesus has the key to the abundant life that is waiting for you.
Love,
A
