Oh, training camp. Where do I even begin?!
Before I get into all the feels that is training camp, let me tell you a little bit on how the World Race works. The World Race is basically a pressure cooker for racers. Following the Lord, and saying yes to the things He has for you on the race can allow you to have at least 5 years of spiritual growth in the 11 months on the field.
Training camp was a taste of that. It all happened so fast that it has been hard to process everything that happened in those 11 days. Our days were filled with sessions, worship, getting to know the squad, trying new foods, battling all the lies the enemy throws at you, vulnerability, and freezing cold bucket showers. And it was great! We were constantly on the move, I am just now finally able to catch my breath and process what the Lord did in me.
I didn’t have a lot of expectations going into training camp. Seriously though, trying to find information on training camp is almost impossible because everything is so hush hush. I thought FOR SURE they made you sign some waver to not talk about it, so you don’t ruin the experience for future racers. No waver was presented to be signed, but I think it is just an unsaid agreement between everyone. Going in with no expectations is only going to grow your faith and trust in the Lord. So, future racers, don’t try and look up anything, be open to the unknown, YOU WILL BE OKAY!
The only expectation I had going in was to grow and leave on a Jesus-high. Every time I went to camp when I was younger I would ALWAYS come home feeling excited and super close with JC. So I thought training camp would multiply that feeling times a million!
Instead I feel kinda stripped down. I have this image in my head of me standing with my hands wide open holding all the shattered pieces of my old self. I am just looking down at my hands, just kinda wondering what to do with them. Up until maybe a year ago, I would try and put myself back together, THEN go to God with whatever band-aid version of myself. Now I realize that God wants all of you. The raw, unedited, authentic you. That includes the ugly and the bad, just as much as the good. Probably even more so.
Feeling kind of broken and confused made me think that I didn’t grow at all in those 11 days. And I didn’t, if leaving with a Jesus-high determines growth. Thankfully it doesn’t. Growth can look like so many different things, and for me right now it is standing with my old self shattered in my hands, refusing to allow myself to reconstruct me. Instead I am handing over all the pieces to the Father and allowing Him to refine me the way He has intended.
These next two months before launch I am going to try and keep my hands wide open, so God can just move and grow me in ways I could never do myself.
So, here are my hands Lord. They are wide open and full of all my brokenness. I will not form fists or resist the work you are doing in me. I will keep my hands open to allow you to work and heal me in ways I cannot even imagine.
Training camp was overall, AWESOME!
I gained 31 brothers and sisters, aren’t we a beautiful family?!
This is my team. We are Team Emunah! Which means “faith” in Hebrew, but faith by doing, not just faith by knowing. It is like a staircase, you may know that it leads to the next floor, but until you climb it you won’t experience the next level.
I love these girls, and I love my squad. I cannot wait to grow with them!
WITH LOVE,
-A
