Hey everyone! I just want all my supporters, friends, and family to have an update on how this month has been for me.
I think I may have misrepresented myself. So, I want to be completely honest and clear the air if this is the case. I feel like it is easy to come to this blog and think that my relationship with God is great is solid. I have been talking about nothing but the highs, and keeping the lows to myself because that is what I thought people wanted. Maybe this is the case, but I don’t think it is what I am supposed to do. This time preparing for a year overseas serving the Lord is both extremely exciting AND extremely scary too. I am having quite the low this month, and I didn’t want to write a blog saying otherwise. It just wouldn’t be honest, and honesty is key in any friendship, and we are friends right?
So, lets dive on in. This month has been pretty tough. I have been feeling extremely confused and doubting my call to the World Race. The enemy has seriously been attacking me hard this month, and I am tired. Although I truly know that this is where I am supposed to be, when the tough gets going, doubt creeps in and a lot of questioning happens.
This month the enemy attacked me in an area I thought I was done with and healed from. I am doing the Armor of God Bible study by Priscilla Shirer (10/10 would recommend, it is incredible). One day I was doing my study and it was talking about how the devil has studied you for your entire life. He knows your strengths and weaknesses. He knows what really bothers you, and he will intentionally send things your way to derail you from the plan that God has for you. He wants to literally do what he came for, which is “to steal and to kill and destroy” (John 10:10). The devil is patient and just waiting for the right time to attack. Just like 1 Peter 5:8 says, “your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” Not even an hour later after reading this and letting it really sink in, the devil threw me a circumstance that completely derailed me. I know without a doubt it was the devil waiting, and I was distracted, and my armor wasn’t up, so it got to me.
I am also in a period of moving back to my hometown. I recently quit my job in my college town, because I just really felt like that is what I was supposed to do. Its hard, because I know that was where God wanted me in that season, and I wasn’t really ready to go. I liked my old job. I like the people that I worked with. When I told everyone about The World Race it allowed me to talk about Jesus with my coworkers! Some people that I didn’t know where Christians, actually were, and I just felt like I was there to encourage them and be a light. I felt like I was making a difference, but I believe the Lord told me to leave. I don’t have a job lined up, I have no idea why, and to be honest I don’t like it.
I think God is telling me that this time might be for rest.
My relationship with God is new in a way. I have been a Christ follower my whole life, but it wasn’t until my last semester in college where God really got my attention. Jesus is so much more than a religion, he wants a real relationship. I can’t stress that enough. So even though I became a Christ follower at like 4 or 5 years old, I didn’t start to really get to know Jesus until last year. So it’s like I am still a baby Christian!
I believe the Lord allowed the enemy to attack me to really bring true healing in that area. Maybe this time of rest is for me to get my feet back from under me and really find out who I am in Christ, since I don’t know yet. He is walking me through true healing, and it is hard, but I would rather it be now than later. God’s timing is perfect, even I don’t completely get it.
I am not trying to complain, I just want to be transparent. I don’t want to act like I have it all together, because I don’t at all. I don’t know very much, I just know what God has taught me.
I don’t know Jesus the way I want to yet, but The World Race is going to help me start to get there. I just want to know Jesus intimately, and know who I truly am in Christ. Then help others get there too.
So I would love your prayers. I feel pretty lost, confused, and insecure. Anything and everything would be appreciated.
It is important to stand guard and be alert, and to use the spiritual weapons that God has given us. I am still learning how to use mine. Everything is going to be alright, though. With tests come testimonies, and God is not done with me yet.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”John 16:33
Stay tuned to see what comes from this. It should be exciting. I feel like when you feel the most lost and confused, God steps in and really shows you who is boss!
ta-ta for now
-a
