“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior”. So ever since this song came out I have prayed and though “Yeah! I want this!” I want to be led to a place where my trust has no boarders and to go deeper to unveil stronger faith. Then I realized that when you ask that, He is faithful to answer according to His will. Since His will is to draw us deeper in faith. So He will “You call me out upon the waters; the great unknown where feet may fail.” Which is where He has led me to in this season. I have been given this picture of how my life feels right now. I feel like I am in the middle of a dark ocean in the part of the day they say is darkest just before the morning. I am here standing on the water but honestly no matter where I move to all I see is darkness and know that there is darkness everywhere. But!!! I am NOT ALONE. “And there I find You in the mystery”. I know that the very fact that I’m standing on the water and not drowning right now is because Jesus is with me. He is holding my hand and leading me. “Your grace abounds in deepest waters. Your sovereign hand will be my guide”. So what do I do but realize that “In oceans deep my faith will stand. And I will call upon His name and keep my eyes above the waves.” There is no other option for me. I refuse to sink and I can’t just walk away. NO! I will call upon His name. Even when I can’t see, even when I don’t feel, when I don’t understand and all I really want to do is run and hide. To avoid this season of looking inward like the plague and go on pretending my life is all put together just like everyone else does. Well, the truth is that I’m not perfect. Things aren’t always peachy and I have some serious waves coming soon but I know that “Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, He’s never failed and He won’t start now. When oceans rise my soul will rest in His embrace, for I am His and He is mine.” This season is not about figuring everything out or getting off the water or even out of the darkness because God’s word says He knows the plans He has for us and that they are for our good and not our harm. It also promises me that when I seek my Abba with ALL OF MY HEART, that I WILL FIND HIM!!!!! So treading through this hurt, brokenness, and sin has and will be hard. Dealing with looking in is never easy or fun and doesn’t happen overnight but it is something I’m willing to go through because it will make me whole. It will lead me to repentance and forgiveness. It will set me to walk in the freedom and hope and healing and love that I have spent so many years telling others is available. So today when I was praying, reflecting and surrendering some things to the Lord, opening myself up to this process and saying yes, He gave me a new perspective and heart for the picture of my life. Even though it appears the same I have given Him the room He needs to begin the process of all HE has in store to do. Now I see myself proclaiming His name as I dance in the ocean on top of the waves. Giving thanks for this time. Settling into being joyful for trials of many kinds so I can be conformed into His image! Will my feet fail and give way to crash into the waves? Most certainly. I’m human. But I have a heavenly Father who is dancing with me who will pick me up, wipe away the tears and comfort me through each one. As I come to understand and combat the sin, the shortcomings and that which I cling to other than His love He will continue to see me as His beautiful perfect Bride and lead me into repentance and forgiveness and show me how to love Him and to love others more than myself! I will make it to the morning. And through every moment I will sing, “YOUR PRAISE WILL EVER BE ON MY LIPS”.
