I will walk in freedom,
for I have devoted myself to your commandments.
Psalm 119:45
For our team time one night,
my dear teammate posed the very question I was ignoring,
“What is the Lord telling you to leave behind in Bulgaria?”
The funny, but maybe not so funny thing about that question is the Lord had already tried to bring it up at least a few times within the last week.
But, I wasn’t ready.
And, I’ll probably never be ready.
You’re never fully ready.
As I sat there, face to face with the wall I had been so carefully protecting, the Lord just began removing it piece by piece by reminding me what this glorious adventure is all about. And, of course, what I will be leaving behind in Bulgaria for good.
This isn’t about how many bucket list items I can check off or how many orphans I get to hold. This is about the very One who keeps everything in perspective. The Lord wants me to show others who He is and what His face looks like and how His love feels simply by His love overflowing through me. But, you can’t see love deeper than the oceans and farther than the sky with an ugly wall in the way.
While I can’t truly stop the Almighty God of the universe from having His way, I still sat there battling between whether to put the pieces of my wall back or allow God to be God. The Lord slowly began showing me all the little moments from the month that had each been one single piece of my wall coming undone.
the 29 little moments of making a bed
the 3 days full of little moments of painting
the 17 little moments of doing the dishes
the 48 little moments of picking the weeds
I know these may all sound like silly things, but somewhere along the way of the last 6 months or so, they had found a root of bitterness due to ugly, nasty lies. I never thought this month of ministry would bring so much freedom through seemingly mundane tasks. But, Jesus had an agenda and you can bet He was ready even if I wasn’t.
Cue team time and Jesus was more than ready for the CHAIN.
The whole thing, not pieces.. the whole, heavy, rotten thing.
With the chain holding the wall down, the wall will keep getting new bricks no matter how many times they’re taken off.
Even though I wasn’t quite ready for the bitterness, unforgiveness, anxiety, fear, and lies to be taken,
the Lord was ready and I was willing with nothing left to give.
But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin,
so we receive God’s promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ.
Galatians 3:22
Here I am, left with an open road to healing for this beat up heart and Jesus holding my hand walking right along with me. Healing doesn’t always happen in a moment and I believe it’s because God needs space to fill. Sometimes He allows things to happen in our lives so He can begin to prune away the ugly and make space for Him in our hearts. He’s slowly filling those open, raw wounds with His love and grace and LIFE and sweet freedom. One day, i’ll have God-filled battle wounds to add to my collection so I can be more like Jesus and show others how to dance in sweet freedom.
“For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters.
But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature.
Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.
For the whole law can be summed up in this one command:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Galatians 5:13-14
S U P P O R T & P A R T N E R
encouragement. encouragement.
prayer. please keep my team & me in your prayers
as well as the ministry we are with this month, Mission Possible.
we have a women’s conference left to help them with, so
be praying for the Holy Spirit to do His thing during these times!
financially. i still have about $5600 to raise until i am fully funded,
specifically, $2500 to meet the next deadline on October 31st.
if you feel so led, leave a comment of encouragement or prayer,
or click “Support Me” located above to donate.
T H A N K Y O U A MILLION TIMES OVER!
