As you may know from prior blog posts that I have begun to read a book called "Having A Mary Heart In A Martha World." You are probably familiar with the story of the two sisters, but if you need a refresher you could look at Luke 10, 38-42 to find:
"Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home.
She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to what he was saying.
But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.'
But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things;
there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.'"
There are SO MANY lessons to be learned from that short but straight forward passage.
One of the things I began to do after beginning to read this fantastical book is, while praying, imagining myself sitting at the feet of Jesus, like Mary; Admiring his glory, listening carefully to every word, soaking in every moment of his presence.
My team began to joke that they would catch me mopping the floor with my head during worship…
"Anointing his feet with my hair"
all two inches of it lol.
Our squad is very diverse in denominations… Catholics, Jews, Calvinists, Non-Denominationals, a few things I have never even heard of etc…
A few weeks ago we celebrated Rash Hashana, the Jewish "New Year," led by Samara, who wanted to share with us her heritage. It was an absolutely beautiful evening.
A few days later, at worship, they announced that we would be taking communion.
"We are a very diverse squad, and we want to honor everyone's beliefs. We are going to pray over this bread and this wine and please treat it with the reverence due, understanding it is actually the body and blood of Jesus."
This threw me for a loop. I knew that other denominations practiced communion, but I always thought they only thought it was symbolic.
I looked up to search for the face of Jenny Muller, the other resident Catholic girl. As it turns out, she was looking for me too.
We locked eyes and telepathically communicated our emotions… "WHAT DO WE DO?"
When we attend services of other denominations, we always would sit out of communion, out of respect for the difference in opinions.
But here was our squad, inviting everyone up… regardless of denomination, beliefs, baptized or not baptized, "It is a matter of the heart," they said.
"WHAT DO WE DO?"
We both closed our eyes to seek God's guidance on the matter, and we got messages, slightly different from each other, but to the same effect.
I thought… WHAT IF? What if there is validity in what is happening here… am I going to allow myself to miss out?
WHAT IF NOT? if there isn't validity… then it's just bread… then what would it hurt?
I waited until the majority of the squad had gone… then waited to see what Jen would do… She got up, genuflected, and took. I was convinced… WHY NOT?
I approached, genuflected, and went to tear a piece of the loaf… in doing so, i knocked a large piece off of the plate onto the floor…
I immediately bent down to pick it up.
"It's fine, leave it." Said the minister.
'never' I thought, and immediately ate the fallen piece.
I went back to my perch, very near the front, to pray.
I closed my eyes and reflected on what had just happened.
But after a moment, something told me to look forward.
When I did, I saw that my piece was not the only piece that had fallen… and there were some dime sized pieces, and hundreds of crumb sized pieces scattered all around where the ministers had stood.
"WHAT DO I DO?"
I only had to think for a short moment before someone walked past, through the crumbs, stepping on what everyone had just proclaimed to be the body of Jesus Christ.
I could not bear the sight. I could not take it any more.
If there was a MILLIONTH of a chance that this was even POSSIBLY the body of Christ, I could not leave him there.
I immediately shot forward, hands and knees, going for the larger pieces first, then trying to pick the smaller pieces out of the carpet.
One squad mate, with the purest of intentions, got my attention saying "Amber, it's OKAY. I will get a broom and get it later." in attempts to calm me.
"A BROOOOOOOOMMMMMM?!" I thought "WILL THEY SWEEP HIM UP LIKE DUST AND DIRT?"
I set into a panic, frantically picking out the pieces… "WHAT IF" I kept thinking "WHAT IF HE DID EXACTLY WHAT WE ASKED" "WHAT IF…"
I had to pick him up.
I lost myself in my panic… and my panic graduated, somewhere, to reverent worship.
In picking every last crumb from the carpet…
I had my Mary moment. I experienced the feeling of sitting at the foot of Jesus, anointing his feet with my hair… humbling myself to a brand new level.
I cannot remember how long had passed… before I looked up to see Jen on her knees, joining me. "When I was praying, something told me to look up" she said later.
We picked, and picked, and picked until there were no visible remnants. I imagine it was 30 minutes or so, but I wouldn't know. I was lost in the moment.
Real body and blood of Christ or not? We didn't know.
But we couldn't risk it.
Real body and blood of Christ or not… we experienced the Lord in an entirely brand new way that night.
Challenge:
Sometimes we have to loose ourselves in a moment
to find ourselves in Christ
don't be afraid to let go
you will have your reward.
Let it gooooooooo,
let it GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Can't hold it back any MOOOOOOOOORE
<3 AJAX
PS.
The worship leaders played "Here I Am Lord"…
My heart melted.
I felt like I was home again…
but the song took on an entirely new meaning… given my current circumstances
"Here I am Lord
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go Lord
If you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart."
