I never leave home without my planner and I have a list for just about everything – you would think that these habits would change on the World Race but I have always been one to plan out the details of my day, my month, and my life and I didn’t intend to change that just because my day to day life would look radically different for 11 months. I might not know where I am going to live next month but as soon as I find out, it takes up residency on my pocket-sized calendar.
Well at the beginning of this month, I had to use a lot of white out due to the fact that out Month 5 ministry plans were constantly changing as leadership was discerning how a group of 50+ people could best serve the Kingdom in the immediate aftermath of the Nepal earthquake. We eventually settled into a house in Kathmandu on May 5th and began working alongside Agape Mission International to bring the love of Jesus Christ to the Nepalese people through simple acts of kindness. We recognized that we are not trained first responders and certainly did not want to interfere with the work the various agencies were doing here, but we did seek out individuals throughout the city who were hurting, who needed a bottle of water and a bag of rice to sustain them, or who just wanted someone to sit beside them during these extremely difficult days.
It was simple. It was powerful. It prepared us for the next mission that was highlighted in my calendar – leaving Kathmandu to trek into one of the harder hit regions where we would be helping a community clean up debris and rebuild their church. One by one I checked off my packing list with the gear and supplies I thought I would need to go and serve in the heart of the disaster zone — I quite possibly could be the only one who makes a packing list during the months when it seems like we are packing every few days but being organized is just who I am, it brings me comfort and a false sense that I have it all under control.
On the afternoon of May 12th, any delusions I had about being in control were suddenly shaken up when a 7.3 magnitude earthquake rattled the ground beneath my feet…
I will never forget those 30 seconds.
I stood above clouds of dust rising up from collapsing buildings.
I heard the terrifying screams of people below us.
I literally saw mountains move.
Everything stood still for a moment while the reality of what I had just experienced sunk in. Tragedy was no longer just a headline news story; it was something I was witnessing right before my eyes. And it was just the beginning of days of continued aftershocks. With every tremor a shock of fear would resonate throughout this community. The hardest part of it all was accepting that for me this was only temporary. I left the mountainside when it seemed too dangerous to camp but others who experienced great loss and had to stay there and find a way to rebuild their lives. And in a couple weeks I will be leaving Nepal all together, but the recovery process in this nation could go on for months and years.
God is aware that I can’t change the circumstances or take away the devastation this nation is experiencing, but He still brought me here for such a time as this – to glorify Him and to be aftershocked with His power, His truth, and His love.
With every aftershock, I am taken back to the feeling on that mountainside, to the sudden uncertainty that comes when the ground that you usually count on for sure footing becomes unstable. Having these flashbacks was a blessing in disguise – it helped me to relate to the Nepalese people. I could understand the fear in their eyes a little bit better and we could connect through our stories and struggles. As I got to know some of the taxi drivers, shop owners, and individuals on the streets of Kathmandu it was apparent that our reactions to the tremors were quite different. I chose faith over fear because my faith was built upon the one thing that you can always count on – Christ the solid rock. While their faith was often placed in idols that were literally tumbling to the ground and leaving them with nothing to hold onto. They were all searching for something they could grasp and it gave us an open door to share the Gospel.
For me, the earthquake was also a visual reminder of God’s power and strength. And each tremor that followed prompted me to give up control and completely surrender to God. I thought that I had done this when I left for the race but I learned that I was still holding on to the illusion of control in my life. When I let go completely, I’m allowing God to shape me into the person He wants me to become rather than fighting Him for control of my own life.
Through all the pain and through all the uncertainty God was there and He will continue to be there regardless of what happens tomorrow or next week or next month. What I’ve seen and experienced this past week has only strengthened my faith and intimacy with the Lord. I have learned that the intimacy the Holy Spirit offers is worth any loss of safety and control.
