Giving is simple. We give each other items, food, time, and other things. But at what point do you draw a line and stop giving? Is it when giving your time means sacrificing time with friends and family? Or when you gave away all the clothes you just got? What about when you just bought that Chick fil a sandwich and you see a homeless and hungry person on the side of the road? When does it become uncomfortable for you?
For me giving is a gift God gave me and it is a very strong one. I will give my time, food, and just about anything to help another person out. So when does it become uncomfortable for me to give and what does that look like? Well it becomes uncomfortable when it changes the way I look, feel, think of myself, and see myself.
Let me use this next story as an example of when I gave to the level of still being comfortable. About a year ago I cut off 18 inches of my hair I had been growing it out and donated it to Wigs for Kids. I had more then 18 inches of hair but 18 inches took the hair to my shoulder. Any shorter and I knew I would become uncomfortable.
Now we are going to jump forward in time to the beginning of January. We are in India my team and another team live together at a school. One day a bunch of the girls cut their hair to their shoulders and they tired to encourage everyone to do the same. Just as a fun random thing to do together. I said that I was growing my hair out to donate it again. One girl said it was long enough to donate now and my thought was wow, that would make my hair short. The next day I was talking with Taite, a fellow teammate, and an idea was sparked in my mind. Why don’t I just cut and donate all my hair? This idea came to me in the morning, so I had the rest of the day to think and pray about this crazy idea. My heart was so for it but I didn’t understand why. While my thoughts were that means no hair to braid…what will I look like…will I look like my brothers…what will others think…is this just a crazy random thing to do… is that culturally exceptable here in India…what if it takes a really long time to grow back….how could this even work…I’m in India. All these thoughts were talking me out of this idea. Although my heart was still pulling and thumping as if it were going to jump out of my chest. So I had some, what we on the Race call, Jesus time. Sitting and chatted with God, explaining my frustration of not understanding and feeling so confused. Trying to understand but not understanding. Finally I sat and just told the Lord I was having trouble listening and I was going to come back and talk with Him later. The day went on, later talking with a team member and some clarity came. This is what came, giving to the point of being uncomfortable. This was uncomfortable giving for me, it was a sacrafice for another person. United Pursute sings “Head to the Heart” it says,
“from the head to the heart take me on a journey of letting go and getting lost in you…there’s no shame in looking like a fool when give you what I can’t keep to take a hold of you…more then words, more then good ideas…I found your love in the open fields”.
Just wow! My heart was saying something different then my head but in the end it is not about the good idea or the words or how you look it is about where the heart is.
This is the reason I went bald:
I went bald so a child could have hair.
I went bald to go beyond my comfortable giving.
I went bald to learn beauty isn’t in looks.
I went bald to love in a new way.
