11 countries, 11 months. At the beginning it seems exciting, adventurous, and thrilling. Yeah, sure, things are going to be hard at times, but still. The attention grabbing countries and anticipation of all the things the world has to offer push any idea of heart-breaking goodbyes, community conflicts, and homesickness.
Well, with 8 full months of the World Race under my belt, the hard things are starting to creep up more and more, bigger and bigger each time. I’m tired, most days I miss my family a whole lot, I’m consistently looking into what the future holds, I’m thinking about getting to see my college friends and eating my favorite foods. Sometimes I feel like I’m counting down the seconds until I re-enter the United States.
Honestly, this is not great.
Recently, I heard someone say that distraction is actually a form of spiritual warfare. Not the kind that presents as a weird feeling in our spirits or a dark shadow in the corner that doesn’t belong, but if the enemy can shift our focus off the Lord even in the slightest, he counts it as a win.
The same person also said that the things that we cultivate in our lives now (specifically for me on the Race, but also relevant to wherever you’re at in your life now) is a roadmap to what our lives will look like in the future. So the question for me (and you) now is this: are you cultivating a life of distraction or one of discipline and focus on the Lord? Are you complacent with a life of apathy or is your life filled with a constant longing for the words of our Father? Are you seeking rest and rejuvenation in Netflix, movies, Instagram, Facebook, or are you intentionally sitting at God’s feet, and asking Him to be your refuge and strength?
While I’m quoting wise people, I listened to a Todd White sermon a couple months ago and one of the quotes that really hit me was that burnout is evidence of a life lived in human strength. We get tired when we try to do everything by our own strength and power. We burn out because, eventually, we get to the end of our ropes.
This is so convicting to me because it’s the story of my life.
So this month I was asking the Lord a lot about what it looks like to rest in Him. That sounds like a really nice sentiment, but what does it actually mean? Here are some verses that He gave me:
- Psalm 105:3-4 “Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice! Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!”
- Deuteronomy 4:29 “But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him if you search after him with all your heart and all your soul.”
- 1 Thessalonians 5:17 “Pray without ceasing.”
- Psalm 116:7 “Return O my soul to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.”
- Jeremiah 31:2, 9, 12 & 14 “The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel [or Amaris] sought for rest, the Lord appeared to him [her] from far away.”; “I will make them walk by brooks of water, in a straight path in which they shall not stumble.”; “And they shall be radiant over the goodness of the Lord. Their life shall be like a watered garden and they shall languish no more.”; “And my people shall be satisfied with my goodness.”
After the Lord kept highlighting verses like this to me, I got frustrated. He kept telling me that I would find rest in Him, but still this rest seemed illusive to me. No matter how badly I tried to rest, I couldn’t find it.
So finally I asked the Lord why He was giving me all these verses, and this is what He said to me, “Amaris, I keep reminding you because you keep forgetting. You run to things that you think are ‘good’ to give you rest, but nothing is ever going to be as good as me. I am good to my core. Only my goodness with provide you with the rest that you are so desperately searching for. I keep reminding you because you keep forgetting.”
Dang, Lord. I see you. I hear you.
I’m honestly not really sure why I’m writing and sharing this blog. I don’t have a big closing paragraph for anyone who has made it this far. I just wanted to share a little piece of what God has been teaching me during this season, and I hope that even just a few words of this spoke to you–whatever season you find yourself in.
I’ll leave you with one last Psalm: “Out of my distress I called to the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free.” The Lord has set me free from the burden of burnout. He is daily setting me free from self-reliance. His constant renewal is setting me free from things I don’t even know yet.
He is freedom.
