What did I get myself into?

“Nothing could have prepared us for the World Race.”
 
That’s the conclusion my teammate, Justin, and I reached the other night. Here we are less than two weeks into the race and I’m realizing I can’t do this.
 
In most ways, India is the exact opposite of everything I’m used to. Cows roam the streets, adding to the combination of auto rickshaws, charter buses, tractors, and motorcycles swerving down the highway. And to make it even more exciting, usually riding the motorcycle is a family of four with the youngest child sitting on the front windshield. It is crazy hot, no matter the time of day or where you are with little help from the fans since the electricity goes out everyday from 9 – 11am and 4-6pm. Girls cover their legs and shoulders but expose their stomachs and men sometimes join in on the skirt-wearing as well, except their skirts come way above their knee. The “trash can” is whatever field you can find and toilet paper is almost nonexistent since your left hand can do the job just fine. Yep. Welcome to India.
 
However, while all of this is insane and so so different, I knew this change was coming. What I wasn’t expecting was how quickly and ferociously the Lord would begin transforming me. Not even 48 hours after arrival to India and the old person was being scrubbed raw so the new person could be exposed.
 
The Lord promised to shower me with new identity and He hasn’t wasted anytime. And I’m discovering that I definitely had some expectations about what this process would look like. For one, I thought it would be a lot easier. I had imagined a very tranquil, comfortable, dreamlike season, full of compliments and supernatural confidence from God. But I’ve found that walking out a new identity isn’t always glamorous.
 
Difficult circumstances squeeze your heart and reveal what’s really inside. This was something AIM told us at launch and it is so true. In my last post, I noted that a different kind of faith is required when you’re away from everything comfortable and normal.
 
So many times in America, I prayed, “God I have nothing I hold onto”, “I give it all to You God”, or “I have nothing besides You”. At the time, I truly meant and believed these words, completely unaware of how much deeper I could go. But since my circumstances have changed, I’ve realized there were other things I was holding onto. Being away, I can now identify other securities and comforts I clung to, but since they had always been there, I was unaware of their presence.
 
All this to say, I can’t do the next 11 months without the Lord transforming me into the person He created me to be.
 
Amanda Kerr, the girl who finds her identity in the affirmation and approval of others, her ultimate security in the physical presence of close friends and family, and her peace in being comfortable, can’t do this. But Amanda Kerr, the daughter of the King, who listens to the Spirit before acting, presses into trials believing there is more of Jesus on the other side, lives in healthy community with her brothers and sisters, and desires to bring the Kingdom to the darkest and most hopeless places, can do this.
 
God, help me to trust You as we walk through hard things together so that I can truly find my identity as Your daughter, Your beloved, Your chosen one. I long to carry Your presence and bring Kingdom wherever I go. Equip me, deal gently with my heart, show me grace upon grace and let me see more of You so that my desire for Your fullness may continue to increase. I love you Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit.