This blog update is long overdue.
Things have been crazy (no surprise there) for the past couple months. Countless trips to Charlotte, planning and preparation for my job at the YMCA, random deadlines for the World Race, helping with Camp Oak Hill Bible Study, leading human trafficking trainings, and so much more has had me making one to-do list after the other. And most importantly, I have amazing friends and a great family who I want to spend time and be intentional with before I leave in three months!
All this to say, there has been little time to rest in the past couple months. But when I say rest I don’t mean “sleep” rest or “relaxing” rest, but time to sit and rest in the presence of Jesus. Away from schedules, deadlines, demands, and everything else that is begging for my time and attention. Now I don’t want to turn this into a pity party because honestly I could always do some rearranging in my schedule, be more disciplined in how I spend my time, and prioritize what is really important.
But I haven’t been doing that. I haven’t been putting my best foot forward and I haven’t been disciplined in my time and pursuit of Jesus. Times like these I am really thankful that my righteous standing and God’s faithfulness to me is not dependent on my faithfulness or obedience to Him but solely based on the work of Jesus.
For those of you praying alongside me, I want to humbly ask for prayer in this area of my life. Please be praying that I would spend time with Jesus. That I would take hours, or however long, out of my schedule to sit and just be with Him. That I would see it a worthy sacrifice to give up control, time, and priority to be with the One who deserves it all. Of course I know and have experienced before that Jesus satisfies the longings of my soul (Psalm 63:1) and that His words renew my mind and bring about transformation in my life (Romans 12) but I’m having trouble believing that right now. Belief is not what you know but something that brings about action. And right now based on my actions, I don’t believe those things. I am my own God, wanting to be in charge, thinking it's best if I stay in control and “get things done”.
In the midst of this battle with God for control of my time and daily activities, He keeps bringing Acts 1:4 to mind.
“And while staying with them [Jesus] ordered [the disciples] not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father, [the Holy Spirit].”
Think about this: right after Jesus dies and then rises, the disciples are told to wait. Are you kidding me?!? The Jews and (without knowing it) the rest of the world had been longing for a Savior to come for thousands of years to bring redemption and new life and when it’s finally here, what does Jesus say to do?
Wait.
Don’t do anything.
Don’t go anywhere.
In His wisdom, Jesus knew that without the Holy Spirit, we are capable of nothing. It was better for the disciples to wait and then go, once the Holy Spirit came. My personality right off the bat would have been making “to-do” lists, delegating tasks, and sending out messages saying “Go! Go! Go! Do! Do! Do! I am in charge and we have a lot to get done, so let’s get a move on people!”
But no, in this specific situation, and in our lives even today, Jesus says:
“Wait. Don’t go. It is better for you not to do anything until you’ve been sent by me, until you’ve spent time with me, until I am the one empowering you and speaking truth, life, and love into your daily routine.”
So if you would please be praying that I would do that; that I would see spending time with Jesus and being empowered by His Spirit as the most essential part of my day. And that it wouldn't be a means to an end or something to check off a list, but that it would be the most joyous part of my day, that it would be beautiful, empowering and life-giving, that I would become obsessed with spending time with Jesus, and that I would first wait, rest, renew, and remind myself of the gospel before doing, going, or speaking.
I love you all and am so thankful for your continued love, prayers, and support.
