Several months ago, in a conversation with my friend and squadmate Cassidy, we found ourselves stumped by this question:
“Is it okay to love myself?”
We see extremes of self-love in our culture and in the church. We think of celebrities completely caught up in themselves, or successful men and women who identify with their accomplishments and love themselves for it. This is the first category: people obsessed with themselves, prideful, and often miserable to be around. Then we have the extreme opposite which I believe is pretty common for the average man and Christian. We reject compliments and praise, unsure if it is appropriate or not to receive affirmation. We downplay any self-confidence and reject ourselves to focus on loving others. We believe that if we “love” ourselves we may be viewed as self-consumed or prideful. After all, being a Christian is about dying to yourself in order to love God and your neighbor, right? How could we love ourselves, knowing that apart from Christ, we are sinful and fallen? With this mindset, we may even find ourselves asking, “What about myself is there to love?” Two extremes, neither is healthy and in fact, neither is biblical.
We see in Scripture that we are called to love ourselves: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
Throughout the Old and New Testament, these words repeat eight different times.** It is seemingly assumed throughout Scripture that we would love ourselves. Paul expects self-love when writing to the church at Ephesus, “For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it…” One of my friends once broke it down like this:
Love God completely.
Love myself correctly.
Love others compassionately.
So knowing this, that God calls us and even expects us to love ourselves, the question now becomes “How do we love ourselves?” instead of “Can we love ourselves?”
I’m sure a series of blogs could be written on this topic, but what the Lord taught me was simple, so simple this answer will be.
You were created in the image of God. Yes, you were broken. Sin was present in your body, heart, and mind. But through the power and life of Jesus, you have been restored. There is nothing in your life God cannot revive. He didn’t just mend what is broken and glue you back together; You are now a NEW CREATION! You not only bear the image of God but also have the Spirit of God inside of you! The same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is in you. Take a deep breath. The Spirit is full in your lungs, full in your life! You have power you didn’t have before; you are now capable of doing things, by the power of Jesus, that were impossible in your old life!
Matt Chandler uses an analogy that I love when it comes to being “in Christ”. Imagine trying to fly as a human. Impossible right? You could jump as high and far as you want, but inevitably you will come crashing down. Now step into an airplane with the mission of flying. Game changer. Not only can you fly, you can fly superfast! You have power and abilities you never had before all because you are IN a plane. Transfer this train of thought to being IN Christ. In Christ, you now have access to power, abilities, security and peace that you never had before. Your entire identity has changed. Things that were impossible no longer are. You are living life as an entirely different creature. If you are a Christian, you are a New Creation; you are IN CHRIST.
Love the new Spirit God put in you! Love the fact that you now have unlimited access to love, joy, peace and rest! Love the fruit that the Spirit bears through you! Love yourself because you are the physical hands and feet of Jesus! What an honor, what a joy!
“Made in the image of God”, “bearing the image of God”, these used to be empty phrases. But as I’ve gotten to know my Father more, awe fills my heart that I am made in His image. When a child is born, their DNA is constructed from the DNA of their parents. Their physical features and personality traits are in the image of their parents. The same goes for us as God’s children. We were reborn with His Spirit, and bearing His image, we carry parts of our Father’s nature with us. We walk around bearing the image of Father God! How can you not love yourself when you are bearing God’s image?
While on the Race, I have been told many times that I possess the JOY of the Father; that my presence, my smile, and my interactions bring JOY. Just typing that seems weird, so I’m sure it comes off as a little prideful. But I am not boasting in myself, I am boasting of God and His joy! It would cocky if I was merely talking about a joy I conjured up or possess on my own, but that’s not it at all! This joy is not my own; I carry the Lord’s joy. I have the honor of bringing God’s joy into situations where it is needed. What an honor that is! I love myself because I bear the joy of the Lord; I love who the Lord has made me to be. I am honored to bear the image of God, to demonstrate His nature to those around me.
How do I know this is the correct way to love myself? Because the love doesn’t end on me, it ends on God. This love doesn’t puff me up or make me self-consumed but instead turns my focus to how beautiful God is. As I love myself, I love and cherish God more.
One more thing, on the way to Liepaja, God spoke this over me: “You need to learn to relate with yourself in the same way that I relate with you.” I knew exactly what He meant. More often than not, I can beat myself up pretty bad and expect a lot of myself. But my Father, He constantly relates to me with grace, love, and patience; He is never frustrated or aggravated by my performance or lack there of. So that has been something I am learning this month, to relate with myself not according to my performance but the same way my Father does: IN CHRIST. To show myself patience, love, and grace, knowing that “I will never fully arrive” and be content with that. So that is another way I have learned to love myself; knowing that right where I am is where I am supposed to be and that because of Jesus, God is always saying “this is My beloved daughter and in her I am well pleased”. When I am content and at rest, I am able to love myself so much more.
** Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 19:19, Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31, Luke 10:27, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14, James 2:8
