~ I feel S T R E T C H E D ~
Today, as I sit here in our little home for the month, I think back on all the places and all the people with whom I’ve given bits of my heart to. And I think of how that number is only going to continue to grow. And to be honest, my heart feels spread thin. With each new added place, another tack on the map spreads it further. At first, it seemed to me that this pattern, this pace, this problem was just that…nothing but a problem; one that started way before leaving on the World Race. No way could it be sustainable. But then God. We love because He first loved us. And He has already covered the entire Earth with His love. So then, if I can love because of Him, then my love too can spread just as far and as wide and as DEEP as His. And while this pattern may continue to make me feel a little homesick every now and then for no place in particular, I take it with open arms.
Okay, now stop what you are doing right now (I realize that means reading this blog) and read 1 John 4:7-19. And then read it again. And then come back here and read a few of those verses one more time.
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us.” – vs. 18-19
SOAK IN THIS.
GOD LOVES YOU SO STINKING MUCH.
And then WE can love because HE loves.
Guys, God chose to be love so that we can choose to love. How beautifully wonderful is that.
But this also got me thinking. What am I truly afraid of in love? And what is true of fear?
Well this is fear:
It’s disregarding the love and goodness of God.
It’s doubting the love and greatness of God.
It’s disqualifying yourself from the love and blessings of God.
So the truth in fear? It has no place here.
I think to a poem long ago forgotten and recently remembered.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
– C.S. Lewis
Yes, to love at all is to certainly open up your heart to being potentially and quite probably wrung and broken. But I choose that possibility over being unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable. Because then where would God fit in? For what breaks in me God fixes. What is open in me God builds a relationship with. And the parts of me I keep most deeply hidden, God redeems.
And that’s much more beautiful than a heavy locked box.
And so I welcome in the entanglements. I welcome in the messiness. I welcome in the people and places. But it’s not just for show. I allow it to be taken from freely. I allow myself to leave behind parts of who I was at certain times in my life. And I allow myself to grow, to continue on, to love, and to fully open up my heart during each wave of life.
