When I moved away from home after High School, I rented a room from an amazing family in College Station, TX. It was a beautiful transition into independent adulthood because I was technically on my own, but I still lived with a family which gave me some sense of normalcy. Stephanie and Chris taught me a lot about life, but the two most beautiful things I learned from them was what a healthy relationship that was focused first on God looked like, and how to live a “que sera sera” lifestyle.
Que Sera Sera is an Italian song that means “whatever will be will be.” In the first month of the World Race, I think I’ve sung that song in my head more than any other one. It has been a constant reminder that this season is not about me having control but allowing whatever God places into my life to be.
Much of this month hasn’t made any sense to me whatsoever, and there were many times that I wanted to cry and scream simultaneously just because I felt powerless to change my situation.
Our final two days of Month 1 were spent traveling. I had 2 straight days sitting on a bus crammed between people to process what the Lord just walked us through and gain His perspective. Whenever I feel stuck in a negative space in my mind, something that helps me get out of it is finding 5 positive things to say about whatever is getting me down. I wasn’t feeling particularly negative about this month, but I thought finding 5 words to describe my experience might help me to sort through the swirling vortex of emotions I was trying to swim through.
The words I came up with are: humbling, challenging, unpredictable, invigorating, and exhausting. My team saw a lot of things and moved around between 5 villages. We spoke to so many people and participated in every possible facet of ministry imaginable. The Lord took my prayer for growth and blew it up into proportions that I wasn’t ready for.
Walking into the race, I asked to be uncomfortable, but I never expected to have feelings of misery. The Lord quickly showed me that He loves me so well that He refuses to play by my rules. This month He showed me a glimpse of authentic discipleship, and He also showed me how my attitude looked in comparison to the genuine walk He wants me to have.
When Jesus came to earth, He asked people to follow Him. His tactics for gaining those followers kind of sucked by American standards. He didn’t put on the ritz or market Himself with flashing lights. He did the opposite. When He asked people to follow Him, He essentially guaranteed suffering. Jesus never learned about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs because being His disciple meant you weren’t even assured food, shelter, or security. Jesus went as far as to say that whoever loses their life for His sake would gain it. Starvation, homelessness, and possibly death. Not actually that appealing.
Why would He attempt to push people away by telling them they would suffer for Him? Jesus wasn’t a God concerned with quantity. He didn’t care how many people followed Him. Jesus wasn’t a peacemaker. He rocked the boat literally everywhere He went. Jesus was all about quality.
The Bible says that Jesus prefers people to be cold or hot, but that He would spit lukewarm out of His mouth. This month, I had to question what degree I was living my life to and where my temperature was on the disciple scale.
The question I faced this month is “Are you really willing to lay down everything to follow me?” In America, the answer is hands down YES. I can live “sacrificially” and still be comfortable. The standard of living at rock bottom in America is still higher than Jesus guaranteed His disciples. When I set foot on African soil and was sweating out of pores on my body that I weren’t aware existed, sleeping with cockroaches, rats, and spiders, and eating rice on rice, it was a much weaker “yes.”
Following Jesus isn’t easy. It never was and it isn’t supposed to be. Something I had to learn in Cote d’Ivoire is that my choice to follow Jesus can’t be conditional because that isn’t true discipleship that He would want or approve of. The posture of my heart wasn’t correct, and I was humbled in ways that hurt. I realized that wanting Jesus means letting go of wanting anything else. Wanting Jesus means erasing your “To Do” list and asking the Lord what His list is for you. Living this life is service, and service requires selflessness.
Do I want to be all in, or do I want to keep getting out of the water because I’m scared to drown? If drowning means that I can have all of Jesus, then that is exactly what I want. Jesus wasn’t concerned about being liked or being popular. He came humbly to love and to serve. Jesus understood sacrifice more than you or I ever will. He asks us to sacrifice what we have because to follow Him, we must live like He lived.
So yes, whatever will be will be…because God lets it be. Your season of life might be terrible. You are saying this isn’t what you signed up for when you checked “yes” in your heart to being a follower of Christ. His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and thank God for that.
Do you trust Him enough to say YES to it all?
