I was walking around the property at work delivering notices. The skies were heavy with rain, and I was praying that I would beat the showers back to the office. I love delivering letters and notices because it gives me a respite in the middle of my day. I call it my recharge time with God.
We were talking and I was telling Him about my struggles and the things that I am facing. I grew up around the Alcoholics Anonymous community (AA) and one of the sayings they repeat frequently is “Let Go and Let God.” That is WAY easier said than done. Have you ever met me? As much as I try to fight it, I’m some odd mixture of borderline control freak, OCD perfectionist, and micro-manager. Admittedly I’ve made great strides, but this is still an area I’m going to have to keep working on for the rest of my life. We’re talking I was the kid in high school that asked teachers if I could do group projects alone because I really could not stand teamwork to that degree…and they said yes.
Looking back to all the times in my life that I opted out of including other people in my “group” takes me back to the blog I wrote about missed connections. I wonder how many times I was supposed to let God use me as an example and completely cut Him off.
Anyway, as I was walking and talking with God, I was praying for a genuine spirit. When it comes to fundraising, I am not in control. That is an area that I am completely helpless to help myself. I hate it. I like lists and schedules and budgets and time frames and deadlines and knowing how things are gonna go. Every so often, I start to feel the tiny waves of panic when I think about how far I have to go. This leads to a toxic chain reaction, although embarrassingly ridiculous, and I end up stuck in my head until I turn my eyes back around to the One who CAN do something.
You’re probably thinking What the heck does this have to do with demolition? Thanks for bearing with me. You see, right now my spirit is filled with many things. There’s a lot of Jesus, but there is also fear, greed, control issues, panic, anxiety, apathy, anger, resentment, jealousy, and the list could go on. The latter have all shrunk in prevalence in my life, but God calls them to be obliterated. He wants total demolition.
As I was walking back, I started to hear the sound of rain hitting the trees above me. A single raindrop barely makes a distinguishable sound. It doesn’t really make that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things, but have you ever listened to the sounds of the rain? Yes, a single raindrop may seem small, but when all the small things come together, they make something great. Rain is powerful. It is mighty. We see the effects of hurricanes and monsoons and tidal waves. Every single one of those things started with the smallest raindrop.
God doesn’t need a lot to work with. He doesn’t really even need anything to work with, but He asks us to give our struggles and our burdens to Him in faith. With faith even the size of a mustard seed He can move mountains. 
Do you see how small that is? God doesn’t need much. He just needs us to be willing.
And you’re still thinking Where is the demolition tying into this? Well here you go. I said that my spirit is filled with many things. God says He wants it to be filled with only one thing. He wants us filled up with Him. His truth, His word, His Holy Spirit. God showed me a picture of a vase. It wasn’t all the way full, but the water in it was dirty. He told me that dirty water wont provide the nourishment necessary for things to bloom and thrive and come to full fruition. So I asked God for clean water.
Here’s the thing. God can put the clean water into the vase with the dirty water. It dilutes the solution and makes it less dirty, but we all know that less dirty doesn’t mean clean. I think this is often the solution we pick. We ask God for healing, but won’t let go of the things that are hurting us. We seek God and we wonder why things aren’t going away.
God gave me a second option. He told me to pour out the vase. To let go of the water I already had-my water. He warned me that it wouldn’t be comfortable. For a time I would feel empty. But then, He would start to fill me up, and He wouldn’t just stop when the vase was full. He would fill up my spirit until it overflowed and I could share it with others.
My heart was overwhelmed in that moment. I was surrounded by the sounds of the rain. God was showing me physically how powerful He is and also showing me spiritually how He can heal me and shoulder my burdens. When we allow ourselves to be poured out, we are making room for God. This pouring out is a demolition of our spirit. God breaks down the walls we have built to try to shield ourselves. He makes us vulnerable. He breaks the chains of this world that are binding us and frees us of our shame.
But God doesn’t stop there! He doesn’t leave us in that demolished state. He builds. He restores. God works best on a clean foundation. Before He can move us to thrive and come to full fruition, He asks us to be poured out. To fully surrender.
My favorite name for God right now is Jehovah Jireh, meaning “The Lord will provide.” God shows up in ways we can’t ever imagine for ourselves, and He has been fervently reassuring me that He has got this. I am clinging to that hope as if I am clinging to a tree in the middle of a hurricane. Yes, the Lord is good and provides, BUT He also asks for surrender. I have been praying that He would give me peace with surrender and patience in His timing. No, I can’t provide this mission for myself. His provision will come through faith and as He works in the hearts of the people who will support me.
If you haven’t reached the point of pouring yourself out, surrendering, let me tell you-it is terrifying. Leaps of faith are scary. They aren’t comfortable. They are the pouring out of our spirits that God is waiting for. He is ready to restore. He is waiting to fill us up with the Spirit.
All we have to do is Let God and Let God.
