Coming off of month 2, we had 4 solid days of travel to reach our new ministry destination in Cambodia. I used that time for reflection, processing, and looking back at the first two months of my race. The realization that we were done with our first continent hit me, and I began to question whether or not I had succeeded in all that I had desired to do there.
Month 2 was difficult. It was all squad month. In total, there were 36 of us living together. Our individual teams stayed together for ministry during the weekdays, but evenings, weekends, and off days were another ballgame. We had sessions taught by our leadership that challenged us to grow and examine ourselves. We spent hours in one-on-ones with other squadmates, listening to their stories and exchanging ours. We poured into each other and were poured into in return.
For me, Ghana brought a lot of inner healing. The land itself didn’t offer this reprieve, but it gifted me with the space to sit with the Lord and let Him take me back through a lot of pain, anger, and resentment from my past. Emotionally, it was tough. I felt raw but not wounded. As I went back and asked the Lord for His perspective on so many things that I’ve carried around as baggage, He took my burden and replaced it with peace. Month 2 brought me a glimpse of the freedom He wants me to walk in.
When we arrived in Cambodia, I had a newfound sense of urgency in my spirit. Time is fleeting, and it is also the most valuable thing we have on earth. I had asked the Lord if the race would ever show me anything past evangelism. I crave relationship and discipleship, and our first two months lacked those aspects of ministry. Don’t confuse that statement to think our ministry hosts aren’t discipling the people we evangelized to, but our purpose wasn’t discipleship while we were there. It left me feeling moderately discouraged to think that our time in each country would potentially be too short to build relationships with the locals and that for 11 months we would solely be doing evangelism.
The first night we arrived at ITCS (International Theological Christian School) in Cambodia, the Lord dumped a huge dose of relief on me. The entire college has 24 students, and we are teaching them all month. I have had the privilege to teach English Grammar and Music Theory. In addition to laughing about how I nerd out hardcore while I get to talk about types of verbs or time signatures, the students are so engaged. They ask questions not only about the subjects we are teaching, but they freely ask about and share their stories. We have heard multiple students recount their journey to becoming a Christian with tears in their eyes because of the change they experienced in their lives. Many of them are the only Christian in their family and have experienced differing levels of persecution at home. My heart is already planted here and the roots are growing like wildfire.
A few days into month 3, the Lord challenged me in a new way through feedback from one of my teammates. As I sat and talked with one of the girls, she shared her heart with me and spoke some hard truths that I needed to hear. In short, I’m not perfect, I don’t have to be, and I never will be. Lesson one. Also, my feelings aren’t purposed to sabotage me, and it’s okay to a.) feel them, and b.) express them to other people. Lesson two. The entire time we were talking, I felt nothing but grace. I took those things to the Lord and He showed me the truth behind all that she had shared with me. He told me it’s time to trust Him enough to show myself grace when I make mistakes and freely admit my weaknesses.
Last night, during team time, we were asked to describe how we’re doing with a color. The color I chose is spring green. It’s vibrant. It’s alive. It’s full of promise. I told my team that this season is one of growth and that I can feel the Lord pulling me into deeper healing and relationship with Him. My exact words were, “I’m thriving!” Not only has the Lord blessed us with a ministry where we see fruit falling into our hands and where I have had the honor of using my passion to teach, but He has also blessed me individually. Something He continues to show me is that He truly is the lover of my soul, and as such, He never lets me go. He doesn’t have to work me into His schedule because He keeps me by His side.
While reflecting on this season of the race and of my life, I realize that I am in a spiritual greenhouse where the Lord has planted me in miracle grow. I really am thriving. I am growing at an accelerated rate, and I am becoming truly healthy. The Lord is faithful that way. On the other token, while I am thriving, I am not blooming. Blooming means you’ve reached your maximum potential. It is the most complete state of being. It is the final destination, and it is beautiful. Upon this realization, my first wish was to reach a point of blooming into all that God created me to be. As I sat with my desires, I came to understand that while we are on earth, we can never fully bloom. Our earthly bodies are filled with sinful desire. Our flesh hinders us from total fruition. On earth, we are meant to thrive. We are meant to blossom. However, until we are in the presence of our Father, we will not have reached our most complete state of being.
Life is about growth and pruning. It is a state-of-the-art preparation for eternity with our Father. Seasons change and we change with them, but the love of the Father remains constant. His relationship with us is steadfast.
My question for you is this: Are you thriving, or are there things in your life that need to be pruned away? Weeds do exist, and they have the power to overtake and to kill things that once were healthy. They spread quickly. As you sit with the Lord this week, ask Him where your weeds are hiding. I challenge you to surrender these things to Him and trust Him enough to pull them out at the root. It will be painful, but take it from a girl who has been there, it is SO worth it.
