I came into this month, the first of squad leading, with the full spectrum of emotions. I was nervous because month 1 of my race was extremely challenging and our alumni squad leader, Michelle, had carried us through with encouragement and laughs even after getting typhoid. This time around, I’m the alumni squad leader, and I knew coming in that the team would be looking to me for answers to all their questions.
I was placed with team Sweet N Low this month at Zoe Church in Urraco Pueblo, Honduras. The first full day here, we had orientation with our host, Pastor Rony. One of the first things he said was that I would be our translator this month. Before we travel to a country, each team receives a setup sheet outlining the ministry. We had been informed that a Spanish speaker needed to be with this team, but I had no idea it meant I would be the translator. To clarify, I am nowhere near fluent, specifically in spiritual vocabulary. They don’t exactly teach you how to preach in high school Spanish class.
My first reaction was fear, quickly covered up by anger. I was mad at my circumstances because they were so far outside of my control. Translate? Is God really serious? I can’t do that and it definitely isn’t why I signed up to squad lead. My thoughts ran rampant for about 3 minutes, but I didn’t have a ton of time to feel sorry for myself because I was busy translating the rest of the orientation.
For the last 3 weeks, I have been our translator and what started out as a fear has turned into a blessing. Last year before F squad traveled to Central America, I had a goal of becoming fluent enough to confidently pray over people in Spanish by the end of my time in Central America as a squad leader (7 months in total). This month, being fully immersed in Spanish has drastically improved my level of fluency. God pushed my outside of my comfort zone in order to help me achieve a goal that is going to enable me to serve more people, including my home community in El Paso, TX.
This morning as I was walking and talking with Papa, I asked Him which story He wanted to share this week and immediately He told me to share about fear. As I was listening to His perspective, He highlighted two major Bible characters to help me understand the bigger picture.
In Exodus 3, God meets with Moses via a burning bush to inform him that he has been chosen to be the Lord’s vessel to deliver the entire nation of Israel from the Egyptians. For 2 chapters, the Lord tells Moses all the ways in which He will provide, and Moses tells God all the ways in which he feels inadequate. His final plea with the Lord is his inability to speak well. He was trying to get out of something that he had specifically been chosen for.
In the book of Jonah, God asks him to go to the people of Nineveh and preach repentance. Jonah was afraid, which was valid, but instead of trusting in God, he ran away from him in fear. It ended up okay and the people repented, but if you haven’t noticed, there’s no Jonah 5 because he literally sits in bitterness and resentment instead of recognizing the ways in which the Lord used him to redeem His people.
Wow, God. That’s a good word. I walked and thought about how I had been at a crossroads when Pastor Rony said I was translating. I felt like Moses, complaining to God that I couldn’t speak well in Spanish. My fear was driving me. How was I going to translate? Humbly. It was a situation in which I already felt I had failed. What that actually meant was that I couldn’t do it on my own.
Translating has drawn me closer to the Lord and also allowed me to be humble enough to keep my hands open. It has taught me about giving myself grace and how to listen super intentionally, literally to understand instead of just listening to respond. It has allowed me the space to be super intentional with what I say and to think before I speak. It has given me a new vocabulary with which to speak – one that doesn’t include negative words because I’ve been learning from church and sermons. In so many ways, translating this month has taught me what it looks like to walk out all the things I wanted to continue growing in this year and the Lord knew that sending me here would allow me to depend more fully on Him.
So who are you when it comes to fear? Moses – making excuses to God about why you shouldn’t have to go along with His plans, Jonah – running away from God until you hit rock bottom, or somewhere in between. After the blog, I leave you with this, a quote from Bob Goff: “What if you weren’t afraid anymore?”
