Home. What even does that mean anymore? 6 months before originally leaving for the World Race, my employer let me go when I informed them that I would be leaving at the end of the year to pursue missions. I was completely caught off guard and my plans went spiraling downward. Officially jobless, I moved in with my mom and settled into a season of preparation and rest before leaving for the Race. El Paso was where my mom and my things were, but it didn’t feel truly like my place. I knew there was something else.
In January of 2018, I left El Paso to go on the Race. My ideas about culture and religion got torn away, ripped to shreds, and rebuilt from the ground up. I experienced Eastern Christianity, numerous cultures around the world, and ministry experiences that deeply impacted my life and perspectives.
I’m currently in a second season on the Race as an alumni squad leader. I’ll be coming back to the states at the beginning of June as my time on the field with Q squad comes to a close.
I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting recently on what it will look like to come home. Something was off, and I realized it’s the fact that “home” seems to be an elusive term. El Paso isn’t home, which leads me to wonder: does this make me homeless?
Homelessness often refers to not having a house or shelter. I think of this more as houselessness. What is home?
There’s the quote that home is where the heart is, but what do you consider home when your heart has been scattered like seed across the globe? This was my struggle. If home truly is where your heart is, does that mean I will never feel totally complete again?
Last month in Costa Rica, we dove into the difference between body, soul, and spirit. Here is a brief breakdown:
Body-physical things, flesh, pretty self explanatory
Soul-mind, will, and emotions
Spirit-your true essence, the dwelling place of the Lord (for believers)
Your heart—not physically but how we use it to express feeling—falls under the category of soul. If home is where the heart is, then home is merely a feeling. It’s a sense. It’s able to be changed and swayed depending on circumstance and surroundings.
When I began to draw connections, I realized that if I was allowing my heart to dictate what home was for me, I really wouldn’t ever feel complete again. I would always feel as if some piece was missing. The rabbit trail of processing questions continued to unfold as I asked once again: so what is home?
True home, like in a game of baseball, doesn’t move. It remains constant. We can take off running around the bases, but home stays out. True home dwells within the spirit. True home is found only in the Lord. He is constant. He is unchanging. Our circumstances or location don’t dictate His character.
Home has roots that run deeeeeep. Home is abiding in Him and resting in His presence. Home is living without fear because His presence equates to victory. Psalm 91 says that he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Dwelling and rest are tied together. When your spirit dwells with Him, you cannot be shaken or moved.
So home. I already am home. Home isn’t a physical place or a feeling. It’s a spiritual state of being. I am fully known. I am fully loved. I am in Him.
