Where do I even begin? To be honest, I’m not sure where this is going or how to get there. That seems like a recipe for something that’s going to turn out well!
I’m writing this because there were a lot of things left unspoken, and for the last 8 months I’ve been searching for the words that might bring wholeness and closure to what was that season of our race. You see, it wasn’t just us in that season. It was also the Lord. I failed to look for Him on many occasions, and as your team leader, there were many times where that resulted in me failing to point you toward Him as well. Sure, we had conversations about Him a lot, but actually seeking Him is different than acknowledging Him—which is what I did frequently.
In my own process of sorting out all the things that unfolded for us, I’ve spent time reflecting on each of you. I wanted to take the time to share with you (and the rest of the world) what the Lord told me about you specifically for our season together on Frontline.
Linds: Our happy-go-lucky, up-for-anything gal. From your running man arm thing that you do when you get excited while you’re talking to one-on-one naps with me, I cherish you as a person. The Lord highlighted the way you brought life into the small things. Anything could be exciting, and there was possibility in the mundane. You love like a child-simply and with your whole heart. You don’t ask too many questions, you just give yourself to people beautifully.
J. Lo: Our “undercover” spiritual (and rapper) badass that wasn’t so undercover. When I think about you on Frontline, I think about you sitting with your Bible as you listened to another podcast. You were constantly seeking new things in scripture and then sharing it one-on-one with someone, getting more and more passionate as your hands jellyfished away. You brought a special presence of gentleness to our team and loved in a very humble way. You weren’t proud or arrogant, but rather loved us by serving us and challenging us spiritually with new truths regularly.
Coco: Our sugar mama and humble servant. You were my forced-not-forced friend. It started in Ghana when I walked into your room and informed you that we were going to be close. Didn’t know then, but that mighta been prophetic. I think about your dry sense of humor, the times you crawled into my bed (or sleeping pad) without asking and just sat silently with me, or the time we tag teamed that rat in India. You always did the things other people didn’t want to. Your acts of kindness often went unnoticed, but that didn’t make you stop doing them. Integrity is part of your character and you were the same in front of people as you were alone.
Mya: Our depth of emotion-er and creative expressionist. Everything about you on Frontline was larger than life. Exaggerated is the wrong word because it wasn’t a negative thing. It was absolutely beautiful and necessary and life giving. You live in love, literally, with life and with the humans around you. You almost single handedly (yes, there’s a pun in this *winking @ you*) redeemed physical touch for me by half forcing it via hand holding. You also fed me emotionally by allowing me to be raw and messy and being okay with that. You weren’t scared of someone else’s mess.
ETCate: Our bold waymaker. The way your mind dreams brings people closer to God. Your passion and your boldness make beautiful things come out of seemingly “stuck” situations. You pulled off a surprise wedding in a single day for cryin out loud. Who else could do that? You were the diesel behind the team and led the charge in stepping out in things with initiative. Your life empowers people and calls them higher. Your heart beats with fire and leaves a blazing trail anywhere it reaches. You quite literally light up people’s lives and leave them brighter.
Kierra: Our self-care guru and advocate for justice. You brought a perspective to our team that challenged each of us to grow and expand our way of thinking and living life in order to include and love others more wholly like the Lord. You fought for your boundaries and gave each of us permission to do the same. You lived without fear of standing alone in defense of what you believe in and showed us how to advocate for things that are important to us. Your brand of love is special and your perspective is rare.
One of the last things that was said before we changed teams was that we get to choose how to remember Frontline.
None of us are oblivious to the hard things we walked through or the challenges that we faced. I think to some degree we were all hurt at times. Healing is a process, and it looks different for everyone. My hope as I write this is that each of you has found peace, processed fully with the Lord, and has gleaned beautiful truths to speak life over that season that we shared together.
To our leadership team:
Alissa, thank you for challenging me with truth and perspective when I tried to quit, give up, and check out. I want to publicly acknowledge that sobbing phone calls over crappy WiFi are not fun, but you didn’t ever shy away from loving me and pressing into walking alongside me as I waded through team leading and growth.
Chloe, Breier, and Tay, thank you all for choosing to walk with me and support me as I learned what godly leadership looked like to walk out. Thank you for calling me out of the victim circle and pouring life into me and the team when I came to points where I didn’t know where else to go. You all invested so deeply in ways we never even saw through prayer and petition on our behalf and those heart cries to the Lord wove love into the spaces on our team that felt empty.
Chuck and Angie, thank you for selflessly choosing to walk with us when you had a thousand reasons you could have opted out. You showed us what it means to press in and fight for people when you feel like you absolutely can’t. We could see that all of your strength was from the Lord and it set a beautiful example for all of us.
In my current season as a squad leader, I thank the Lord almost daily for Frontline and how it equipped me to lead and to love more like Jesus. You all played a crucial part in my refining process and the Lord used each of you as a very specific vessel in something He taught me.
To anyone who is struggling in community, you are in the midst of your greatest growth, and you are not alone.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9
