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One thing that I'm learning continually, cause my skull's a little thick wink is that loving people is a process, not a one time thing. It's so easy to think that we can choose love but in reality it is a requirement. God doesn't say, "Hopefully you'll learn to love people, but take your time." He calls us into action regardless of it being easy or hard. He doesn't ask us to think about loving people, he calls us to do it. That's what I'm learning. I'm also learning that loving and forgiving go hand in hand. Sometimes I wish it were easier, but I think that if it were, I wouldn't learn anything. To love is to forgive and, conversely, to forgive is to love. 

 

Other things I've learned along the way, lessons that God are continually drilling into me, are the fact that 1) HE is my provider, not my job, or anything else, and that in the same way, 2) HE is my joy. He, not my friends or family or things or jobs, brings me joy, and it is HIS joy that I can always count on to get me through things, good and bad. I'm learning that joy is so much more than being happy or content when things are going good, but it's seeking and pursuing Him and loving Him especially when it's hard or tough or when things are bad. When I'm feeling low, I seek Him. When I'm elated, I praise Him. When I'm disappointed, I run to Him. It really is all about Him.
 

The biggest thing I'm looking forward to (and really learning that I have to put a lot into it to get something out of it) is vulnerability. I put up a lot of walls, and really have a hard time going deep with people, at least on my end. I'm so good at getting people to open up and learning about their lives, but I suck and opening up myself (which in a weird way makes me all the better at breaking into other's shells). So, I'm trying to figure that all out… i'm definitely making progress, but I have a long way to go still. It's kind of annoying and I feel like Paul a little when he says "I do what I don't want to do and don't do what I long to do." I really do want to let people in, I just don't know how to do it without going all in, and I'm not ready to be there. But I want to be there. I think. 

It's hard – this is something I've never been good at. I think it's also something I've never wanted to be good at. Being deep with people, letting them in, is not somethin I'm comfortable with. I don't think it's something I'll ever be comfortable with, but it is still something I need to do.