This was the week of many firsts: first time seeing a church offering done as a competition, the first time I plucked a chicken, the first time I peed outside (without peeing on myself, be proud of me), the first time a coconut branch fell on my back… You know, normal World Racer things.
While here in Mozambique, my team has had a chance to serve through a variety of ministries, including working at a farm which supports a local bible college. Last week, we were dragging coconut tree branches into piles so they could be burned. So, I was chugging along, enjoying the breezy morning, dragging branches and listening to my iPod when…WHACK! A large branch falls on my back, knocking me to the ground. Immediately, Robert and Alicia were by my side trying to comfort me as I sat with my face in my hands telling myself that I am fine. I was hurt, but was refusing help since I have become incredibly self-sufficient.
It was through the 30 lb. coconut branch falling on me and being forced to sit while everyone else was working that I realized that when I am hurt (physically or emotionally), I internalize. I bring myself to a place where I convince myself that I am okay, and then “keep calm and carry on.” If I don’t consider my pain to be a big deal, I just keep going without any consideration for the potential consequences if left unattended.
Until this year, I had few serious physical injuries… But plenty of emotional injuries. It hurts to think about some recent broken friendships. It hurt to think about the way that friendship ended. Even though I was wounded, I continuously told myself that I am okay and kept chugging along. In my mind, these problems were minor, especially when compared to larger injustices like starving children and human trafficking. Instead of allowing my family and friends to come beside me and support during this period and most importantly by not bringing this pain before the Lord in prayer, I was able to convince myself that I was fine. By brushing these painful memories aside, I didn’t allow myself to heal. Now, I am carrying some of these residual pains with me into new relationships.
Through being smacked by a coconut branch, God reminded me that He truly is interested in hearing about my every-day problems and concerns. There really is nothing too big or too small to pray about. He wants us to engage in a relationship where we are constantly telling Him everything, just like your best friend.
“Casting all your cares upon Him, because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
