The enemy wants us to feel so alone in our struggles and always leads us to believe that who we are and what we do is unforgivable. This year I’ve learned that fighting those lies with truth is the only way out. I believe there is power in identifying and calling out what some of our biggest struggles are…
So heres one of mine
Regret.
I have been thinking about regret for the last few months and how easy it can get a hold of my heart. I don’t know about you, but so easily my regret can come masked as “repentance”. When I look back on my life on the things I did and didn’t do, my heart feels heavy and its harder to breathe. In my head I start thinking “Well, the fact that you still feel sick to your stomach, that means that you’re truly sorry”. Then I start to form this idea of God that He wants me to sit in my filth and learn things the “hard way”.
This view of God has exhausted me. It seems I don’t even live by days or moments anymore, but by regrets.
“Lets see what I’ll regret today”
This is what my mornings look like. So much shame, so much pain, so much guilt, and not so much hope at all.
Ok, so you can’t undo the past right? What is done is done.. So I should just accept what has happened and realize that this weight and guilt will just be a part of my day to day…
“I died for regret.”
I heard in a message once about how easy is it for us to chose what God died for. He not only died for the worst things we’ve done, but for the feelings that come along with that too. He died on the cross so you would not have to feel the weight of death! We fight from victory not for it! Jesus hates regret but loves repentance.
Well, whats the difference? The lines are so blurred and they often look so similar and its so confusing to my heart. The one main difference that God has shown me is that one holds joy, and the other doesn’t. When I look back in regret, there is no hope.. its just this self pity party that lasts years. I think I’m processing when I regret, but what am I really doing when I do this? I’m sitting at the table with the enemy. Why do I waste my time in conversations with him? It is so easy to think that you are sitting at a different table because regret has been so romanticized.
So what does repentance look like? It doesn’t look like ignoring our sins and situations. Not at all. Its looking at them and seeing them as something that you have let come in between you and Jesus. Thats every sin. No matter how big or small… they are barriers that we have built between us. When I grow in wisdom and spend time with Jesus, the more I am disgusted by anything that could allow distance between me and Him. Not that He ever leaves us, but we purposefully take steps away from Him and create our own gods. So no matter how big the sin, they are all barriers. And the cross eliminates every barrier, so we can be assured that when we come to Jesus for repentance, He literally jumps with joy because he has been waiting to bless you with forgiveness !! From that point on, God wants to give us the vision and mindset to look back with victory. My Jesus is bigger than that sin.. my Jesus is stronger than that self destructive pattern… My Jesus is SO BIG and I need to dance because of this.. I look back and hate my sin, but it has no hold over me anymore because Jesus died for the consequences of sin too.
Regret is not from Jesus, repentance is.
