I think I’ve been avoiding writing this because it would mean coming to terms with the race really being over. I am not even sure where to start, but let’s just put some words down. This last year I went on the World Race, an 11-month missions trip to 11 countries. So many of you helped me get there and for that I am (very literally) eternally grateful.
I was able to see ministry in a new light and God broke all the boxes I tried to put missions in. Those parameters kept me from feeling joy in my service to Him. They kept it as a hobby or an add-on to my life. I walked alongside people who saw no lines between life and ministry. I saw Acts 2 in front of me and it pushed my heart to seek that reality for myself.
I try so hard to be present where I currently am but I feel as if there is a hole in me that maybe isn’t meant to be filled again.
I close my eyes and I’m still walking a street in Zambia with 30 kids following and singing songs… I’m still sharing a room with 5 other girls who want to love God deeper… I’m still leading worship with the most passionate Spirit-filled people in a small church in Honduras, or blowing bubbles with dementia patients in Malaysia.
Someone described this experience to me as a wound we chose to have. I cannot unsee faces or forget how God led me. Before the World Race, I maybe would have been content with less. I loved the boxes God was in, and only let the Spirit’s conviction sink into comfortable places. But now there’s this hole that reminds me that I saw more, there is more, and will be more for me. And I saw all of this because of your obedience to God in sending me.
I currently can’t hold back tears at this coffee shop as I write these words. Many through this whole process have expressed encouraging words and affirming me in my call to ministry, and those words literally gave me the strength to say ‘yes’ to that season, but also to the one following it. If you helped me bake cookies at 3 am, shared any of my posts/blogs, sat and encouraged me, donated to my trip, bought my art, prayed for me, listened to me endlessly process my doubts/fears, drove me to an airport, let me sleep at your house, allowed me to speak at your church…You have truly changed my life in a way that I am not sure I will ever be able to express.
I see His face more clearly than ever and I wouldn’t trade that for anything in this world. I felt his heart for my friends who also said yes to the race, I felt Him cry with those who mourned and were in pain, I saw Him meet me in my own uncertainty of His calling on my life. He could have done all of this in so many ways, but He chose to take me to the corners of this earth because that’s the kind of Father we have.
So many opportunities have opened since then… while on the race I saw God use art with emotion in such an amazing way. While I drew trees and talked about life with women in a prison in Indonesia, I realized God was onto something. I transferred schools and now I’m studying Art Therapy in California and could not love it more.
Not only that, but He has opened a door for me to lead a trip to Southeast Asia this spring through my school! It’s crazy to see how much the World Race prepared me for all of this and I am sure I will keep uncovering lessons as I keep looking back. A gift that keeps on giving-
So with that, I officially close this season with joy and gratitude for you and our God. Thank you for believing in me and His calling over my life.
An encouragement for you: When He calls, it’s never an interruption, but an invitation to abundant life- a life where worldly logic is often thrown out the window, and laughter from heaven fills your walls. I pray God blesses your contribution to my life- that what you gave to me will return to you two-fold.
For He is good and worthy of every inch of our lives.
So much love,
Your friendly world race alumn.
