love has always been this vague concept or feeling that I just accepted or looked over. I felt that if I truly stopped to analyze all that was entailed, I’d realize that it wasn’t for me after all. God’s love for me has always frustrated me in a sense. It never really had the answers I needed, I was waiting for something more concrete. Something that I could measure up to, or something I could accept after I become the better version of myself. 

this love makes no sense.

This love that He has for me is something that I really can’t hold. His love for me covers me. It’s this huge knitted blanket full of colors that covers me whole. Every inch of me is covered. Every inch. 

Here’s why this is frustrating. I always found it completely unfair that God had to accept that dark sides of me. No one should have to deal with that but me. I will get myself together and when I am ready, I will present myself again and see if I can measure up.

“But I want to love you now. Come to me”

The more I try to analyze Gods love for me.. the more I am understanding how urgent it is. He does not waste time and wants all of his goodness, joy, grace, and forgiveness to be on my life right now. It brings Him joy to love me and for me to just sit and rest in His grace. He loves deeply all the time. No matter what kind of messes I bring Him, and I’ve brought Him a good amount of those. 

His love for me wasn’t a means to an end. The goal wasn’t for me to change because I understand His love… but the goal for my life is to look up at my father and accept His love. That is my one true goal and the more I ask God for strength to do this, the more I understand that God doesn’t want me to measure by life by the answers I have, but solely by His presence. 

Lord, help us receive your love. That we will feel your grace so heavily in our lives and that you’re love for us does not change. You forgave us because you thought life with us with worth dying for. Give us strength to forgive like you do, and let us live out of your presence. Thank you for clothing us in your new mercies. 

 “Come to me and I will give you rest- all of you who work so hard beneath a heavy yoke. Wear my yoke- for it fits perfectly- and let me teach you; for I am gentle and humble, and you shall find rest for your souls; for I give you only light burdens.” Matthew 11:28