I barely recognize myself. I have let sadness fill me and passiveness control me. I want to love more like You and see with Your eyes. That doesn’t seem possible with what I am offering you, God. I am trying with everything in me to choose to listen to You over my emotions. I am choosing to not own the thoughts in my head. Your ways are higher and Your thoughts are higher than mine.
But why do I constantly feel like I just slipped through the cracks along with everyone else and that there’s really no way Your love can be meant for me? I look at myself and see the limits to my love and I am so discouraged.
“But Amanda, I chose you.”
I can’t even love myself. You know every dark place in me, all the shame and guilt and hatred. You think any good can come out of that? I don’t know what you see in me.
“I see myself in you.”
Wait, what? …. Woah.
And just like that, every argument I had seemed insignificant.
As I pleaded with God and tried to convince Him that I really wasn’t who He thought I was, He reminded me of who He is.
“I am your Father and that’s why you look like me. Let me keep showing that to you.”
If we find our identity in Him, we can’t be chained by what holds us. I never really understood what finding my identity in Him meant. It’s so much more than God changing my ways every day. But more of God revealing to me who I have been all along. His.
John 15:15-17
“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit.”
