If you know me well, know my story, you know boys have not been that much a part of it. If my story were a novel there would not be a male lead, I don't think any of the ones that have come along would even fill a supporting role, but that doesn't mean I haven't wanted one.
While I have been greatly blessed with amazing friends, good community, adventure, and too much grace to ever think about complaining, I always finding myself asking God why there is no boy. I ask when and where and how. I pray for my future husband hoping he is around the corner, and when I open my eyes there is no one to be found.
It's not always a big deal, usually I can distract myself with my passions and hobbies, but it always comes back.
A yearning.
I want to be a wife, a mother, I want to start a family and a be loved in that way. I don't just want a boy, or a fling I want a man that will become my husband.
Tonight God put on my heart that my yearning is good. It is so good I want those things so badly. It is so good I see myself being good to my husband and good to my children and family. But now it is time to yearn for the right him.
Now it's time for me to yearn for God. Serve him whole heartedly, run after him like there is nothing else, and let him make me whole.
The problem is I let myself soak up what the world has to say, I listen to music and watch movies that all tell lies. When we consume this stuff we believe it's okay to give the responsibility of our happiness and joy to boys. They can't handle that and were never meant to. It's like giving your car keys to a 4 year old, they can't handle it and couldn't begin to. They can't not screw it up.
Yearning for God puts my joy, happiness, worth, and identity in HIM. Who will never miss use, abuse, or screw it up. It means I don't feel empty when half of my friends are married and I am not. It means that waiting is not only not a big deal it is a joy to know I am following his will.
I want to yearn for you.
