Each day on the race I see more clearly how upside down the world is from how the kingdom is. We are taught from such an early age that when you do something you should be given something in return. It’s not something our parents sat us down made us learn or practice, it’s our culture.
Growing up you knew you had to get Teresa a present for her birthday because she got you one. At Christmas you assumed each person you got a gift for would get you one, and if they didn’t it was kind of awkward. It’s hard to ask for a favor without automatically offering to do something back. This is why we “pay” people in beer and pizza to help us move, this is why there is free food at every college event and probably a t shirt too.
We are born asking “What’s in it for me?”
We thrive on transactional relationships.
This is something we carry into our romantic endeavors and our relationship with God.
This hit me square between the eyes this week.
I am past halfway through the race and through month 7, Vietnam. I have been stuck in a rut this month and was sitting in my funk. I asked Jesus why I wasn’t hearing from him and why I wasn’t growing and why everything sucks..
Last month was awesome. I hear from God so much, my quiet times were filled with revelations and I felt like a new creation everyday.
So as I prayed and worshipped I asked God for somethings..
and he whispered to me.
He showed me throughout the last couple weeks that all my time with him was concentrated on getting something. That when I got into the word or went to church or prayed I acted as if that was my payment to receive his gifts.
NEWS FLASH.
That thinking is so backwards to the heart of giving God intended. His gifts can’t be bought with anything I have. My time, words, praise, prayers are all empty and worthless if my heart just wants stuff from him. Even if it is good stuff.
Jesus already paid for it anyway- you can’t pay for something already paid for.
God gave his son freely, he gives us our gifts freely and yet we come to expect them like we paid for it.
So today I am challenged to start fresh. To learn what it looks like to fall in love with Jesus and come to him with requests but without expectation that it will be granted because of my actions or praise. I want the opposite of empty praise and I want to learn what it looks like to give freely like him. It’s all his anyway.
This song is one that helped in realizing all of this. Enjoy.
