Month 11
The final stretch.
Ending well.
Finish strong.
End game.
The last months went by in a blur. All that I can think of right now is that a few short months ago I got on a plane with a bunch of strangers and in few short weeks I’ll be coming home with a bunch of family members.
My homecoming is the essence of bittersweet. I can’t wait to reunite and to be in one place for an extended period of time but I am already mourning the loss of my squad mates and the daily adventure the race brings.
Today I facetimed my mom and we talked with excitement as she rattled off the countdown I can’t bear to keep track of and I gushed about food and my bed and not moving.. maybe ever. Then she caught me up on my family and all the stresses that I have gotten to somewhat ignore while gone. I love my family with all of my heart but we all struggle and while I have been gone I crossed my fingers and closed, eyes hoping it would all be better.
I am sorry for that.
The struggle is very much still there and I am reminded that not only am I going back to a real family with real life, non-race struggles, but I am going into a broken community. I am going back to a country and city that is not solely influenced by Jesus.
I am reminded my mission trip is not over after month 11. As this season of doing missions in the nations ends a new one begins to my nation, to my family and to the people God has surrounded me with. My heart aches when I have visited slums and held orphans, and I have felt physical pain when praying over people but here or at home we just shrug and say it will all work out or it will be fine.
“It’ll all work out” is a lie we believe in the moment to free us of the burden. It’s not someone else’s responsibility to pray for my family/ pour into them/ or make sure they know they are loved by the king, it’s mine. You know how it all turns out fine? A lot of hard work and a lot more Jesus.
I have 20 something days left here in Kosovo. I get to love on pre school kids and pray for them all day. I get to end the race well with 41 of the best people I know. Then I get to come home and start fresh. I get to apologize, I get to love, I get a second chance. I get to be obedient and when I do that I am freed of the burden and get to rely on faith, knowing my God is bigger.
At the end of the day all the hurt, struggle, and pain is so miniscule to what HE has planned. I am so excited to watch what he has in store for my family and how his redeeming love will play a part. Most of all I can’t wait for the day when all of this seems as tiny as it actually is.
Until then..
