This month I was able to cross off several of my “bucket list” items, and a big one of those was getting to send off a lantern in Thailand.
The Loy Krathong Lantern Festival occurs only once a year, in the month of November .. and guess which month my squad was here??
Due to prior commitments, we were unable to attend the huge, stock-photo worthy festival in Chiang Mai, but luckily we were in Phuket the night they held their slightly smaller festival.
These past few days have been full of change for J squad. New leaders have been called up from within, we’ve lost squad members and experienced our first round of team changes.
My team, however, was one out of only two on the entire squad that was not changed.
We came into this weekend without anxiety, because every one of us knew that God's not done with our team yet. We’ve just begun to go to deeper places of intimacy and vulnerability with one another than ever before – and we all know that we’ve really only just scratched the surface. There is still so much we have to learn and so instead of being comfortable in our lack of change and therefore becoming stagnant, we want this next season to be one of even more growth.
As I stood around an unlit lantern with these five amazing women who I’ve come to love as sisters, we reflected on the past month together and prayed over the future.
We’re leaving so much behind in Thailand. The land we’ve spent a month clearing, planting and cultivating. New friends, young and old, who have called out greatness in every one of us. And the 130 children we have all come to love so deeply.
But more than that..
We are leaving behind fear. Fear of what the future will look like. Fear that we won’t be accepted by old friends and of what our roles will be when we return home.
Doubt. Doubt that we’re on the right track. Doubt in our ability to lead. That the Lord has specific purpose for our lives and doubt when He speaks to us.
The need for approval. Looking to others for the the praise that we should seek from God. We’ve all experienced the impulse to people-please and the temporary, ultimately hollow satisfaction that follows compromising ourselves for the approval of others.
Comparison. The temptation to look at others and wonder why they seem to have it all figured out. Questioning why we don’t possess the same gifts and qualities as the person next to us. We choose to instead see ourselves through the eyes of love and grace.
When we finally let go of our beautiful glowing lantern, we let go of these things that our hearts had been holding onto as well – and in their place, there is now room for God to fill us up with more of the truth of who we really are. As we stood there staring into the night sky, my whole being was washed with the realization that this month has been less about what we brought to it, and so much more about what we left behind.
