Seven days. One week. No matter how many times I say it, it still doesn’t feel real. This time next Wednesday I’ll be with my team in Chicago getting ready to leave for the Dominican Republic and I wont be back for 11 months.
This is what I’ve been preparing for, praying about and anticipating for nearly 6 months – and it’s finally here! So why do I feel so NOT ready?
My sister-in-law recently compared my feelings about the race to getting married and I thought the metaphor was so poignant. She said “you’re so excited and you make all these plans and it seems so far away for so long and then all the sudden you’re about to get married and you’re like WHAT AM I DOING IM SO NOT READY FOR THIS YET!” .. and honestly that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling this week.
Don’t get me wrong, I'm so completely excited about what’s about to take place in my life and I know it’s going to change me forever – but I also have this feeling like when you’re on the edge of something huge and you’re about to jump off. On one hand you want to jump .. but on the other you’re terrified.
Joshua 1:9 says:
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”and I have been trying to take comfort in that this week.
Not only will the Lord be with me wherever I go, but He will also be with those I love. A lot of my anxiety about launch has been about my family. I don’t like the fact that anything could happen to the people I love this year and I wouldn’t be here or be able to get to them. But in reality – whether I’m in my hometown or in Vietnam – none of that is in my control anyway!
Lord, help me to surrender my feeble hold on the lives of those I love. I will commit every day of this journey to being fully present and ready for whatever You have for me. I refuse to serve You with only half of my heart while leaving the other half here in the States. And although I don’t have much to give – I will give You all.
