I didn’t want to do this, I don’t like reading these. I wish there wasn’t a reason for people to have to have a realization about their bodies. But here it goes.
There is a plan & purpose for me. I’ve been set apart. It’s in the Bible (Jeremiah 29:11; 1:5). I was born. I have a body. I believe that God has made each body wonderfully…it’s in the Bible too (Psalm 139).
I’ve never had a great relationship with my body. I don’t hate it. I’ve never been proud of it. I just accepted a long time ago that I would always be a heavy person. I have large bone structure, I come from big people. I’ve always been on the heavier side. I’ve also never been into diets. I’ve substituted my morning pop tart with an apple or banana, I rarely drink soda (before the race), always carry a water bottle with me. I’ve almost always worked in jobs that require me to be on my feet and active for most of my shift, if not all of it. I like to play volleyball, like to be outdoors, hike, walk with my dog, swim with my nephews and niece. My body has rarely hindered these activities and all of these activities are good for my body. Therefore, I previously haven’t taken further action to better our relationship.
Here is what happened.
Last year at training camp we had a fitness hike. We were required to walk 2 miles with our packs packed in under 30 minutes. This was the first time I became nervous about my fitness, or lack thereof. We were assured if we didn’t make the time we would not be sent to the airport immediately but be given a chance later in the camp to try again. I didn’t make it. I came in exactly 2 minutes over time. It was ok, I felt strong, I knew I could finish out the day without being exhausted. Several squad mates offered to walk with me in the mornings so I could better my time when that chance arose later in the week. The next morning everyone was required to exercise, roughly a 2 mile course again. I walked it, quickly, and came in before some who had begun it running. We went to our morning session. I was pulled out by one of our training staff. She explained that I would be doing the fitness hike again THAT AFTERNOON. She asked me why I had failed the first time and told me she had spoken with the squad leader who had walked with me for a bit of it. He had asked me if I wanted to run. I had replied “No”. In my head the reasoning behind this was, my knee is hurting, if I run now with 47 extra lbs on my back and blow out my knee this whole thing could be over. I might not get to do any of it. What would I say to supporters who had donated only to get me to day three of training camp (that $ is non-refundable). If I continue at a strong pace and come in a little behind I can finish camp and figure out what the next step is. I hadn’t verbalized this so the assumption was that I had already given up, I was defeated. I explained that that is not where my head was. I can usually tell where my body is. I know I could’ve walked another 2 miles at the same pace and been fine.
Later that day they loaded those of us who needed to re-do the fitness hike into a van and took us to a track. 8 laps around that track with my pack later, I had made it. I shaved 2 minutes 27 seconds off my previous time and felt good.
After training camp I decided to start doing yoga. My friend got me a deal at a studio in Sioux Falls. I really enjoyed the hot yoga sessions I was able to attend but in the 2 1/2 months between training camp and launch there wasn’t much change in my physicality.
Fast-forward.
Here we are month 11 of the race. Somewhere between launch in January and the end of our time in India (the only place I’ve weighed myself) I have lost roughly 35lbs. This has happened with no real intentionality on my part.
We have been to countries that have been H O T for most of our time on the race. We have sweated a lot. We have walked a lot. We don’t eat a lot. We eat well, just not a lot. I have been on the world race budget for the majority of the race. Our food budget is roughly $5 a day per person. Some months our food has been prepared for us which means I haven’t had any access to those funds. Some months our team has decided to eat every meal as a team which means we all decide what to buy (who knew I love muesli and yogurt?). Basically, I haven’t been eating the way I did at home.
It’s been great.
So, here is the thing. I feel better, I feel stronger, I like the way my legs look, my pack fits better, I have more energy. These are all things people who have lost weight before have proclaimed from the mountain tops, these are no big surprises.
What is surprising is that nobody told me things like…your bones will hurt when you lean your shoulder against the window on the bus or plane. When you sit down your tailbone will smack the chair. You’ll need to sleep with a pillow between your knees because they will now knock together. Your clothes will become too big (I knew that) and you won’t be able to purchase new ones because your currently on the WR budget AND shopping for clothes that would fit me at this point in Asia is still nearly impossible.
What I’ve known but not actually put into practice is that a body shall be a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God (Romans 12:1). While I am able to make better choices for myself at this point, there is still a way to go. This process may be a long one. Small choices I make can make a big difference.
In the mean time I can look back at what this body of mine has done over the past year.
It has held children in the majority of the countries we’ve visited. It has hiked up and repelled down waterfalls. It has hiked Mt. Olympus. It has trekked through rice paddies in Nepal. It has trekked to small churches in Nepal. It has shared meager meals on the ground with Syrian refugees. It has had one foot in the Northern and Southern Hemisphere at the same time. It has been in the Pacific Ocean, the Mediterranean Sea, & the Indian Ocean. It has sweated out gallons on all three continents we’ve visited (one of my Twitter friends refers to this as ‘liquid prayer’). It has hugged a single mother while she wept in Colombia. It has taught English. It has preached. It has sat on the floor with a Hindu Priest. It has ridden an elephant. It has painted 5 children’s homes in India. It has sanded, washed, and stained wood in Thailand. It has endured countless hours on planes, trains, & buses. It has slept on floors, a beach, the floor of a train station, and in multiple bunk beds.
It has nearly traveled around the world.
I like it, it’s been good to me and we’re getting better aquatinted.
